


What the Water Gave Me

by Daretodream66



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Artist Steve Rogers, Bad father George Barnes, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Engineer Bucky Barnes, F/M, Friends to nothing to friends to lovers, Howard Stark's Good Parenting, Howard and Maria adopt Steve, M/M, Maria Stark's Good Parenting, Parent Death, Protective Pepper Potts, Protective Tony Stark, Steve Rogers and Tony Stark are brothers, i don't know what else to put
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 09:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28847145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daretodream66/pseuds/Daretodream66
Summary: Steve and Bucky have a falling out when they are kids.  Bucky moves away and returns to find his old friend has died, except he hasn't.  Somehow now, Steve is a Stark and Bucky is trying to put the pieces together and figure out how to apologize.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, Howard Stark/Maria Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter/Pepper Potts/Tony Stark
Comments: 12
Kudos: 81
Collections: Buckybarnessteverogers





	What the Water Gave Me

Bucky makes his way through the streets of Brooklyn; streets he hasn’t seen in over a decade, since his mom moved them back to Indiana after dumping that asshole that Bucky once called Dad. He remembers some of the landmarks, but so much is new. He hasn’t been back in the city long, just a few months, but this is his first chance to get out and look around. His new job takes more time than he thought, but it’s one aspect of his life that he doesn’t mind. One thing he doesn’t look for from all those years ago, is his former best friend. 

Steve Rogers was the center of Bucky’s world; he was the friend that Bucky never forgot. Steve was Bucky’s everything. Now, all these years later, Bucky still hasn’t forgotten him and wishes that he could find the man and apologize for being a dick. He didn’t know at the time that he was being a dick, being 11, he didn’t have a concept of the real world and hearing his father using inflammatory language for people who are gay didn’t help. None of it makes any difference because there’s no way to make emends for what he did. 

He’s got a good job and he’s made a few friends, so Bucky’s life is good, but there are still days that he doesn’t think he deserves everything that’s come his way. He stops in at a coffee house and gets something that’s too sweet, savoring the flavor. On his way home, he cuts through an old short cut that he remembers from all those years ago. When he comes out the other side, he’s two blocks closer to home, but also right next to the building that Steve lived in with his mother. And across the street is the building Bucky lived in. It looks so different now.

There’s a woman on the stoop that seems familiar, older, of course, but still familiar. “Mrs. Hennesy?”

The woman looks up, inspecting him closely. “Yes?”

“You probably don’t remember me, but I used to live just over there.” He indicates the building across the street.

She narrows her eyes, then brightens. “James Barnes!” Getting up, she comes to hug him. “It’s been almost 15 years, boy. How are you?”

“I’m great.” She releases him and reaches up to cup his face.

“Well, didn’t you turn into a nice-looking young man.” Bucky blushes and grins. They talk for a few minutes more, when Bucky just can’t help but ask.

“Mrs. Hennesy, do you know what happened to Sarah Rogers? Does she still live here?” The woman’s face falls and Bucky knows the answer before she starts talking.

“Oh, my boy, I remember how close you were with her little Steven.” She pulls him over to the stoop and they sit. She pats his back and he tries to fight the tears. “Just after your family moved, Steven had an episode. You know, we never really knew everything that was wrong with that boy.” Bucky nods because Sarah never let too many people into their business. The only reason that Bucky knew was to keep an eye out for certain signs of Steve having one of his episodes. “They took him away in an ambulance. He didn’t come back, James.” Bucky’s face must show his horror and she  pats his back again. “Sarah moved out a few weeks after that. I heard that a few months later she was diagnosed with cancer. Her obituary was in the paper about a year later. That poor family, but you remember how she kept everything close to the chest. None of us could get her to talk about Steve. She just looked sad all the time before she left.”

“I. ..I don’t...” Giving up trying to hold back the tears, Mrs. Hennesy pulls him into a hug and lets him cry.

“I have to admit, part of me was grateful that little Steve was already gone because they had no family and he would have gone into foster care.” 

Bucky returns to his apartment feeling like his whole world has crashed around him. He calls his mom later that night to let her know what he found out. Bucky cries again, with her, on the phone.

Steve lets himself into the gallery and takes a deep breath. Clint follows him in and sniggers at him. “Every morning, Steve. Every morning you walk in here and do that. It hasn’t changed since last night, you know.”

Steve chuckles and goes to start the coffee maker. “ Shaddup asshole.” He checks the schedule and watches as Clint who doesn’t ever wait for the coffee to finish before pouring himself a cup. “Pepper is going to be in later today. She’s going to expect to see the Dubois. Can you make sure it’s on the wall and lit properly?”

“Not a problem, boss.” Clint winks at him and heads to the back.

As he’s going through the door, Steve calls after him. “We’re partners, Clint. I’m not your boss.”

Pepper comes in around two with Tony in tow. He’s carrying a coffee and wearing sunglasses inside. “You have control over my finances, so I don’t understand what you need me here for.”

“Tony, I swear!” She looks at him in complete  exasperation . “I want your opinion. Can you do that for me?”

“Ms. Potts, it’s good to see you.” Steve offers his hand and she leans in to kiss his cheek instead. 

“Why are you being so formal?” Steve chuckles and Tony looks over his glasses at the tall blond expecting an answer to his question.

“This is a business transaction and I’m trying to be professional.” That sends Tony into a fit of giggles and Pepper is doing the same. 

“I’ve seen you throwing your guts up, Steve. You can’t be professional anymore.” Everyone, including Clint, laughs.

He leads them over to the Dubois and waits to see if it’s what Pepper wants. She inspects it closely, then turns to beam at Steve. “Well?”

The blond is nervous because he worked really hard on the negotiation for this painting. She throws her arms around him, hugging him tight. “Steve, it’s perfect.” They take care of the money exchange and set a time for him to drop it off.

As they get to the door, Tony turns around giving Steve an expectant look. “Mom expects you for dinner at seven. You better not be late.”

“I already texted her and I’m not the one that’s always late.” Tony waves him off, but smiles on the way out the door.

Clint comes up, patting Steve’s shoulder. “I will never figure out how you and that guy are brothers.”

Steve knows that Clint believes he and Tony are blood related. The particulars of their relationship have never been discussed in the friend’s circle they have and they never will be. They all know him as Steven Stark, and legally that is his name, but he still honors his mother with the hyphen in his name. All of his paintings bare the name Steven Rogers-Stark.

Bucky reports to work on Monday morning and goes straight to his lab. Stark Industries hired him when he made a breakthrough with his prosthetics prototype. The idea is that if he can get it fully functional, they will open a new department. He doesn’t tell anyone about his personal connection to this project. For now, he works with a team of four people, including himself. When he enters the lab, Jane is already there, as is Natasha and Thor. They look up from the schematics on the holo-screen and grin.

“How was your weekend, boss?” Bucky just shakes his head and heads to the coffee machine. Tony Stark doesn’t do anything halfway and the thing can make any kind of coffee beverage they want. Today, for Bucky, it’s a black coffee kind of day. He’s not going to be recovered from the news he got yesterday anytime soon. “That bad, huh?”

Bucky looks over at Natasha and she can see how dark the circles under his eyes are, she can see how swollen they are, and how red. He goes to the table, ignoring her question, looking at what they have pulled up.

They spend the morning going through every one of the circuits and by lunch, Bucky feels like he has the inspiration to delve into the ideas they came up with. Thor shoos the women out of the lab and goes to sit with Bucky. “You are troubled today.”

Bucky stops and looks at his teammate. “Yeah, I got some news yesterday that...man...it really...” He can’t even finish his sentence because he doesn’t know how.

“Tell me?” They stare at each other for a few seconds, then Thor gives a kind smile. “We have been working together for three months, James. In that time, I know very little about you, but I do know that you spent most of your childhood in this city.”

Bucky takes a deep breath and would rather talk to Thor than a therapist. “When I was growing up here, I had a friend, my best friend, Steve. I found out yesterday that he died not long after I moved away and his mother died not long after that. They didn’t have anyone, but each other and now they’re both gone.”

Thor looks thoughtful. “You did not keep in touch with him?”

Bucky looks down at the floor and shakes his head. “We had a fight before I left and I was too young and stupid to know that what I said to him was wrong.” It strikes Bucky that this exceptionally tall man, that’s more brains than muscle, which is saying a lot, is kind in ways that Bucky didn’t let himself see.

“James, you were how old when this happened?” Thor is trying to excuse his behavior, but Bucky can’t let it go.

“I was 11 and Steve was 10. Age doesn’t matter when hate like that comes out.” Thor smiles gently and puts a hand on Bucky’s shoulder.

“No, it does not, but you have seen the error of your ways. I believe your friend would be proud of you.” Bucky gives a discreet sniffle and Thor goes to get lunch. At the end of the day, before going home, Bucky thanks Thor for listening.

On his way home that night, walking from the subway to his building, Bucky takes a side street to stop for some dinner. He stops in front of an art gallery and looks at the painting in the window. It’s a cliff of the greenest grass that Bucky’s ever seen. There’s the silhouette of two women standing in a sunset overlooking an ocean. It’s the most striking thing that Bucky’s ever seen and makes a mental note to stop in when he has time over the weekend and ask about it. Looking over at the door, he sees the name of the gallery  _ Gleann Glas.  _

He wonders what it means all the way home.

Saturday comes around and Steve sets everything up by the big picture window in front. This has been his routine since they opened. They hang art from many different artists, but his hangs here too and on Saturdays he sits with his back to the window and paints. Many people have spent part of their Saturday standing outside as he brings an idea to life. Clint loves watching how they seem to be drawn into the art. Steve lets himself get lost in the content of whatever he decides to paint. Whatever he starts today, he’ll work on for the next month.

He moves the painting that’s in the window, one of his that he calls  _ Mothers _ . It’s his tribute to the two women that mean the most to him, Sarah and Maria. Today, he’s adding to that theme with one of his brother and sister-in-law, aptly named,  _ Partners in Crime _ . Outside the window is an attractive woman that Steve’s seen before. She loves to watch, but never comes in. Clint tells him that he thinks the woman has a crush on Steve. 

Steve can appreciate an attractive person and this woman, with her brunette hair just past her shoulders, expressive brown eyes and red lips, is very attractive, but Steve never fails to superimpose another face. A face that he shouldn’t think about, one that disappeared from his life years ago, but still haunts the artist like Poe’s Raven. 

He sits on his stool and starts sketching out the face of a man that could have been his worst nightmare, but instead became Steve’s rock when Sarah died. Pepper’s face will come later. Before long, Steve loses himself in the art. The woman stays at the window watching and is soon joined by a man with a handlebar mustache. He has a kind smile and asks the woman about what he’s seeing. Steve can hear their conversation, muted, but still audible. The woman introduces herself as Peggy and the man is Timothy and she tells him about how this artist does this every Saturday.

Before they leave, Steve hears them make a plan to meet back the next weekend to watch again. Clint comes over, leaning on one of the load-bearing pillars. “I think you’ve just brought two more together.”

Steve chuckles and looks over his shoulder as the two make their way down the street. “Good for them.”

“You ever think about something like that for yourself?” Clint watches emotions play across Steve’s face. Emotions that look more melancholy than anything else.

“No, it’s never crossed my mind.” Clint just shakes his head and walks away.

“Man, you really need to get out more.” Steve doesn’t have the heart to tell Clint, his current best friend, that once upon a time, he thought he’d found his one, his everything. And when that person shattered his heart, Steve didn’t feel like he had anything to live for. At 10 years old, his mother assured him that someday, someone would come along and sweep Steve off his feet. That never happened.

“We’re meeting Tony and Pepper for dinner.” Clint waves that he heard him. “Did anyone come in today?”

“We sold three paintings today, Steve. How did you not know that?” Steve just shrugs. “Someone bought  _ Mothers _ .”

Bucky makes his way to the gallery Saturday morning and finds a couple standing on the sidewalk watching a blond man painting. He hears them talk about how this is a weekly thing and the woman tells the man that whatever the artist starts today, he’ll be working on for at least a month. Looking in the window at the artist, all he can see is a broad back and muscled arms. 

Going in, he talks to a sandy-blond haired man who introduces himself as Clint and they talk about the painting that Bucky saw earlier in the week. The price is more than Bucky thought, but he buys it anyway and finds out that the artist at the window is the one that did it. Thinking that he should say something to the blond artist, Bucky starts over, but freezes in his tracks.

“No, it can’t be.” It’s nothing but a whisper, but Clint comes around him, checking to see that he’s okay.

“What can’t be?” Bucky’s eyes are locked on the man with a paint smear on his right cheek.

“What is his name?” Clint chuckles and looks over at the artist. Pleading eyes meet Clint’s with tears gathering. “Please, what is his name?”

“Steven Stark.” All Bucky can think is that he’s seeing a ghost, granted the ghost is a lot bigger than his former best friend, but the face is the same, the eyes are the same. He takes his painting and runs from the gallery. Once home, he takes the painting from the crate and looks at the signature.

“It can’t be.” But there, at the bottom is the signature: Steven Rogers-Stark. Getting up, he goes to his computer and does a search. He finds that Steve is only on Instagram and only for the gallery, but a few of the pictures have him in them. Steve with Clint outside the gallery when they first opened. Steve with Tony Stark, Bucky’s fucking boss, at the gallery opening. Steve with Tony and Pepper Potts at their wedding. Steve with Maria and Howard Stark, Tony’s parents, but somehow also Steve’s. And lastly, one of the first pictures on the account, little Steven Rogers with his mother Sarah. He can’t be much older than the last time Bucky saw him the night of the fight.

Laying his head on the desk, Bucky cries like he’s never cried before, even when he thought Steve had died. Sobbing into his folded arms, he cries for a second chance he never thought he’d have.

Friday afternoon, Tony enters the R&D lab for the new prosthetics team. The head of the department sits at the holo-screen moving things around while the rest of the team is talking over his shoulder. “Barnes, how is everything going?”

They all look up to see their boss. Thor goes over, taking Tony’s hand. No one can resist Thor’s gentile personality. “Mr. Stark, what brings you down to our little lab?”

Bucky stands, watching the man that is the brother to his best friend, former best friend, and wants so badly to ask, but knows that he can’t. Tony looks over at Bucky again. “Things are coming along. We’ve figured out the interface and should have a working prototype for that by October.”

Tony claps his hands together and rubs them. “Great! Impress me.” They talk through what they’ve come up with and Tony’s eyes light up at what they show him. “This is incredible.”

“We’re pretty proud of it.” Tony looks down at his watch and then back at the screen. 

“I’d love to stay and play, but it’s my brother’s birthday’s tomorrow and we’re having the family dinner tonight. If I’m late, my mom will skin me alive, or she’d pay someone do it for her.”

That’s Bucky’s in and he’s going to take it. “Brother? I didn’t realize you had a brother.” He can tell that the rest of his team is watching, but Bucky can’t worry about what they think, he’s got to know the truth.

Tony talks absentmindedly while looking through the details on the interface again. “Oh, yeah, Steve. He’s an artist and has a gallery in Brooklyn. You live out there, right? You should look him up.”

“Oh...uh...yeah.” Tony stands up straight and looks at the team. 

“This is good work.” They all nod and he  looks over at Bucky. “What’s your time-table for this?”

“I hope to have a working prototype by next summer.” Tony nods and heads to the door.

“Barnes, take your time with this, I want it perfect.” He gets to the door and stops. “Have you ever heard anything as ridiculous as someone’s birthday being on July 4 th ? Do you know how many jokes that opens up to me?”

The team laughs and Bucky sinks into the chair. “It really is him.” Thor comes over sitting on the table, looking down at Bucky. He looks up into the blonde’s eyes. “He’s not dead.” He keeps his voice low, so that the other two can’t hear him. “I saw him last Saturday, Thor. He’s Tony’s brother.”

Thor just sits for a few seconds, putting together everything that he’s hearing. “But...James, how is that possible?”

“I don’t know, but it’s him.” They neither one  hear Natasha come up, so when she  speaks they both jump.

“The rumor in the company is that Tony’s brother is adopted, but for some reason, they don’t talk about it.” Bucky knows he’s going to go back to the gallery tomorrow, he just doesn’t know what he’s going to say.

July 4 th was always special for Steve and Bucky. The little blond boy never had a big party, just himself, Bucky, and Sarah, unless she was working. At night, they would all head down to the waterfront and watch the fireworks. Sarah, if she was there, would leave them to their own devices until it was time to leave. Bucky is sure she was always within sight of wherever they were sitting. Today is July 4 th and most businesses in the neighborhood will be closing early. Because it’s Steve’s birthday, Bucky wonders if he’ll paint today, but as he rounds the corner, he sees the same couple from last weekend watching Steve in the window.

Bucky stays out of sight, but watches as Steve adds Pepper to the painting. His hand moves gracefully, moving color across the canvas. The woman watching is telling the tall man next to her that someday she’d like to buy one of the artist’s paintings, but her job doesn’t allow for that. They talk for a few minutes about her work with a non-profit that gives legal help to those that can’t afford it. He tells her about owning a restaurant with a group of his friends from the army. He then asks her which of the paintings is her favorite and she tells him about one the artist did several months ago. She even points it out on the far wall opposite the window.

Bucky spends part of the early afternoon watching him paint and only leaves when Steve starts taking everything down. Clint, the man he met last weekend, comes over to help and sees Bucky across the street. He gives a wave and Bucky returns it weakly and turns to leave. He finds himself at the waterfront, staring at the sky and wondering if the fireworks will make him feel the same way he did all those years ago with Steve. 

Not knowing how long he stands there, his phone going off surprises him. “Hello?”

Natasha’s voice sounds relaxed and maybe a little buzzed. “Barnes! Where are you? We’re at the Stark bar-b-que and you aren’t.”

“Shit! Sorry Nat, I forgot. I’ll be there in about an hour.” He makes his way back to Central Park where Tony, apparently, always has a big blowout for the 4 th and finds everything in full swing. Getting a beer, he hopes it will drive away the sadness he’s feeling.

“James! I’m glad you made it!” Thor bounds over with Jane and Natasha in tow. The larger man can tell that Bucky isn’t fully present and throws an arm around his shoulder to pull him towards the food tables. “Let’s get you some food. You’ll feel better.”

As they sit and Bucky eats, Natasha seems to be watching him closely. “So, where were you earlier? We were starting to get worried about you.”

Jane elbows her, but that doesn’t stop all of them from staring to get an answer. “Oh...uh...there’s this gallery in Brooklyn and an artist sets up every Saturday and paints. He’s really good and I just got caught up in watching.”

They all remember the conversation in the lab and they all think they know what Bucky was doing. Thor is the only one that knows for sure. Natasha leans in, checking their surroundings for anyone that might overhear them. “What’s he like?” Bucky looks up from his plate. “You went to get a look at Stark’s  brother , yeah?”

Bucky can work with that assumption, even though he can see Thor looking at him with a different question entirely on his face. “Oh, yeah, and I have to say, you’d never know these two were brothers.”

Jane shrugs. “Well, no one would know that my sister and I were related. I look like my mom and Darcy looks like my dad’s side of the family.” They talk for a little longer, but the conversation veers into other topics as the afternoon wears on. 

Steve doesn’t go to the park for the Stark picnic, he instead goes home. On his doorstep is a package and an insulated bag. The note is from Pepper and it makes him smile.

_ Steve, _

_ Happy Birthday! I know you won’t come to the picnic, but I wanted you to have something good to eat. Also, you can thank your brother for the gift. _

_ Love, _

_ Pepper _

There’s enough food to feed a small army and a cake. The gift is not a surprise, but also makes Steve roll his eyes _.  _ Months before new tech comes out of Stark Industries, Tony makes sure everyone in the family has whatever it is. This time, it’s a new phone with the home screen already set with a picture of Tony, Pepper, Steve, Maria and Howard. The note attached is very much Tony.

_ Stop moping and enjoy your birthday. You wouldn’t want to disappoint Mom and Dad. _

Steve snorts and unlocks the phone to see what it does that his old one won’t. This one is synced with the AI at the Tower and Steve shakes his head. “JARVIS?”

“Master Steven, what can I do for you?”

Steve snorts. “Well, you can start by not calling me Master Steven.”

“I apologize, sir, but Mr. Stark insists and by insists, I mean that he’s programmed it into my  algorithm to annoy you, Master Steven.”

“Of course, he has. It’s good to talk to you JARVIS.” Steve sits the new phone on his table and carries the other bag into the kitchen.

“You as well, sir. We miss you at the Tower.”

Just as Steve’s about to respond, there’s a knock as his door. He’s not sure who could be here, since everyone had plans today. Opening the door, he finds his mother. “Mom?”

Maria Stark smiles at her son and comes to hug him. “Happy Birthday, sweetheart.”

“Not that I’m not happy you’re here, but what are you doing here?” She goes into the kitchen, pulls out plates and starts serving up the food.

“Well, if you think that I’m going to let you sit here and eat alone, on your birthday, then you haven’t learned anything about me over the years.” Steve chuckles and sits down at the bar. “Now, tell me what you’re working on at the gallery.”

Steve tells her about the painting of Tony and Pepper that he’s planning to give them for their anniversary in November. He tells her about the couple that’s been watching for the last two weeks and how Clint thinks his paintings are magic.

She giggles about that. “Well, they are magic, just not in the way that Clint thinks.” Steve blushes and after they’ve eaten, Maria cuts the cake, puts a single candle into Steve’s slice and sings Happy Birthday to Steve.

Later that night, when she’s standing at the door. Maria looks into Steve’s eyes and cups his cheek, pulling him down to kiss his forehead. “Sarah would be very proud of the life you have, Steve. She was a gift to me as a friend and you have been a blessing to me as a son. Happy Birthday, my darling boy.”

Steve goes to bed that night to the sound of fireworks and tries not to think about his friend all those years ago. He doesn’t understand how Bucky can still fill his mind after the horrible things he said, but for some reason, Steve still clings to what they were before that. His life hasn’t always been easy, but he’s been blessed in ways that only his Ma could have arranged. He always believed her to be an angel and when she died and Maria approached him about staying with the Stark family, Steve knew Sarah had done this. Within a year of being with the Starks, Howard and Maria adopted him.

He remembers Tony coming into his room the night the adoption was finalized. Steve had always been a little afraid of Tony because the young man was always so confident and never seemed to have time to be a brother. Standing in the doorway to Steve’s room, Tony had leaned against the frame, arms over his chest. “You’re my brother now, kid.”

Steve sat up in bed, pulling the covers up as protection. “Yeah, how mad are you about it?”

Coming into the room, Tony sat on the end of the bed, picking at a non-existent thread. “I always wanted a brother, or a sister, never could figure out why they didn’t have more kids.” Steve just watched Tony, who didn’t look up when he added, “Guess it makes sense now. They were waiting for you to come along.”

Steve looks over, surprised by the words. “You’re not mad?”

“Kid, if I was going to pick a brother to have, I’d pick you.” The overwhelming relief that Steve felt in that moment washed over him and he started to cry. Tony crawled into the bed with him, holding him and whispering comforting words. “I know it’s been hard for you. Getting so sick and almost dying, then losing your mom, but it’s going to be okay. We’re here for you and I’m not going anywhere that you can’t follow.”

That’s the night that Steve told Tony about Bucky. That’s the night that Tony promised Steve that no one would ever hurt him again.

Bucky returns to the gallery the next Saturday and when he arrives, Natasha is already there. She hands him a cup of coffee from the place around the corner and just as she’s about to say something, Bucky shushes her. Across the street, the same couple from the last two weekends are coming up to the gallery window, holding hands. Bucky tells Nat about them meeting there.

“You sound like a closet romantic, Barnes.” She’s smirking at him and he shrugs, looking at the ground.

“Nothing closeted about me.” That makes her snort her coffee and she  glares at him. “What are you doing here, Romanov?”

“I wanted to see what the big deal is. He’s been at it for about an hour already.” Bucky looks over at the window and Steve’s still working on the painting, only now, Bucky can tell that it’s done out of great love and  affection for the two in the painting. “I  gotta admit, he’s really good. I guess creativity runs in the family.”

They watch for nearly two hours and when the couple across the way heads out, Bucky sighs and starts off down the street too. Nat catches up with him. “I get why this is interesting, the painting and all, but you don’t strike me as the type to be into painting enough to come down here week after week.” She nudges him with her elbow. “You trying to figure out how to get in good with the boss by going through his brother?”

“His adopted brother. And no, it’s my hope that Stark never finds out that I know.” Nat stops, but Bucky keeps walking.

“What do you know that the rest of the world doesn’t?” She’s caught up to him again.

“Just that Steven Stark wasn’t always a Stark.” She pulls him to a stop and Bucky waits for whatever is going to come next.

“You know him.” She’s searching his face for something, so Bucky keeps his expression neutral.

“Once upon a time, a long time ago, yeah, I knew him. I don’t know him now and would never presume to say that I do.” They continue their walk. “This is my business, Natasha, so do me a favor and stop digging. If you want to get to know him, that’s fine, but don’t bring me into it.”

Bucky goes to the lab later that night. He needs to work off some of his anxiety and the lab is the best place to do that. He doesn’t expect the doors to slide open and for Jane to come in. “Jane, what are you doing here?”

“I could ask you the same thing.” That’s all he gets from her and she sits at her station and starts working. They’ve been at it for a few hours when she looks up. “I’ll tell you why I’m here, if you tell me why you’re here.”

They order pizza and go to the café downstairs to get sodas. They chitchat until the pizza arrives then sit on the floor of the lab, leaning against a wall. “Do you want me to go first or should you?”

Jane takes a bite and sighs. “I’ll go first.” Bucky takes another slice and nods. “I’m in love with Thor and sometimes when we’re all working, I can’t focus on what we’re doing. So, sometimes I come back after everyone is gone and get the work done that I didn’t get done during the day because I was too busy looking at him, or thinking about him, or listening to him, or just being in the same general area as him.”

Bucky chuckles and puts his arm over her shoulder. “You got it bad, kid.” Jane snorts because they have to be about the same age. “Jane, why don’t you talk to him?” She looks intently at her pizza and shakes her head. “Why?”

“I was always the smart kid in my class, the nerd, the weirdo. I finally found somewhere that I belong, somewhere that I love to work and just because we have a good work relationship and I count him as a friend, doesn’t mean that he looks at me that way.” She takes another bite and chews slowly.

“Thor is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.” He gets a nod from that. “I didn’t expect him to be so damn smart too.” There’s an  emphatic nod to that. “The two of you laugh and joke with each other all the time. I think he’s into you.”

There’s more silence and Bucky  knows what’s coming next. “It’s your turn. And don’t try that, ‘but we haven’t solved your problem yet’ bullshit. This isn’t about solving our  problems; this is about letting it out.”

Bucky thinks that Jane and Thor would be perfect together if they’re both so easy to talk to and really listen. “Okay, but mines a little more complicated and there’s a lot of backstory. You sure you’re up for that?”

Jane reaches over with her foot and shoves at his knee. “Stop stalling and talk, Barnes.”

Bucky takes his arm from her shoulder and throws his slice of pizza back into the box, dusting his hands off. Leaning back against the wall again, he looks up at the ceiling. “I used to have this best friend, but I also used to have this ass of a father.” She looks at him confused. “When I was 11, my best friend told me that he didn’t like girls, that he was gay, but all my life I’d heard my father’s homophobic shit.”

Jane looks over, horrified. “Oh James, please tell me you didn’t.”

“I did and I never saw him again after he threw me out. I’ll never forget the look of devastation on his face and how hard he was crying. Jesus, I’ll never forget how much he hated me in that moment.” Jane reaches over and takes his hand. “I’ll never forget how much I hated myself and still do to a certain degree.” He looks over and she’s nodding for him to continue. “Anyway, a few days later my mom packed us up and moved us back to Indiana where my grandparents lived. When I took the job here, I went back to the old neighborhood and talked to a lady that still lives in his building and she told me that around the time we moved that he got sick and never came home.” Jane inhales sharply and leans into Bucky’s side. “His mom died about a year later from cancer.”

“James, I’m so sorry.” He puts an arm around her again.

“You  wanna hear the craziest part.” She nods against his chest. “He didn’t die, he’s Stark’s brother.”

She sits up quickly and looks at him like he’s lost his mind. “How do you know it’s the same guy?”

Bucky huffs a humorless laugh. “I’ll never forget him and remember when Stark told us that his brother had a gallery in Brooklyn?” Jane nods and  Bucky knows she remembers the conversation at the picnic. “I’ve been going every Saturday to watch him paint in the front window so people can watch. I’ve been going down there for three weeks and just watching. It’s the same guy. Plus, I bought a painting and the signature confirmed it.”

“So, somehow he was adopted by the Stark family?” It’s Bucky’s turn to nod. “James, you have to go see him.”

“I’ve been trying, but after everything I said to him that day, I don’t think he’ll want to see me.” She leans back against the wall and plays with the hem of her shirt.

“Do you still feel that way?” She seems shy and unsure about asking the question.

“It would be really hypocritical of me to feel that way when I’m gay.” Jane’s eyes shoot up to his. “Yeah, after being away from my dad, I was able to admit it with a little help from my grandfather.”

Bucky sleeps a little better that night having finally talked to someone. He just wishes he could get up the courage to go see Steve and ask for forgiveness.

Steve hangs up the phone and looks over at Clint. “I take it that didn’t go well?”

“It never goes well with her. That woman thinks that I can get my hands on a painting that disappeared in 1975 and is probably hanging on a wall behind Hoffa’s corpse.” Clint sniggers and heads out of the office. Steve puts his head in his hands and just breathes for a few minutes.

Clint  pokes his head into the office. “Steve, I think you’re going to want to come and help this patron.”

The man waiting, when Steve comes out, is the same tall sandy red-head that’s been at the window the last three Saturdays keeping the woman with red lipstick company. Offering his hand, the man takes it. “Hi, I’m Steve.”

“Steve, I’m Timothy and I’d like to purchase one of your paintings.” Steve smiles kindly and can almost bet what this is for.

“Of course.” Timothy leads him over to the painting on the back wall, opposite the front window. They talk about the subject and the price. Price doesn’t seem to be an issue and Clint crates the painting while Steve rings up the sale.

“Thank you.” Steve offers his own thanks and when Timothy gets to the door, he turns back. “And thank you for the art you do on Saturdays.”

Steve blushes and knows why he’s getting the thanks. Clint leans on the counter. “I’m telling you, it’s magic stuff that you do.”

After closing up, Steve heads to the little Mexican place for dinner and meanders his way home after picking it up. Once inside his apartment he changes and has dinner. Then he goes into the studio and uncovers the painting on the easel. Sighing, he picks up the paints and starts working on the painting he calls  _ Innocence _ . Before the fight, before the horrible words were spoken, he and Bucky had their innocence. Over the years he’s done many different versions of this subject and all of them end up in his storage unit, hidden away so he can’t see them and no one else can either. He paints until almost dawn and only as the light breaks through the window does he realize that he didn’t get any sleep.

Clint takes one look at him and knows what he did. Fixing  Steve a cup of coffee, he has the man sit down at the desk in back. “How’s the painting going?”

Steve looks up, confused for a few seconds, then looks down at the cup in his hand. “How did you know?”

“Steve, we’ve known each other since college and when you look like this, you’ve been painting again. One of these days, you’ll have to tell me what all this is about.” Clint sits next to him and waits.

“Before he said all those things, he was everything good in my life. I don’t want to believe that’s how he really felt. I want to believe that was just his father’s words.” Clint has no idea what any of that means and when the front door opens, he stands. 

“Stay here and let me deal with this.” Steve nods, but jumps up when Clint gets to the door and whimpers. Clint turns to him. “You remember that red-head I told you about from the street last Saturday?” Steve nods. “She’s here. I swear to god, Steve, your paintings are magic.”

Steve chuckles and sits back down. He can hear Clint talking and the woman responds with one of those husky voices that gives Clint shivers. The man doesn’t care about gender, but when they have a voice like that, Clint’s a goner. Coming back into the office, Steve’s best friend looks at him. “What?”

“She wants to talk to the artist.” Getting up, Steve leaves the coffee cup on the desk and follows his friend out. “Ms. Romanov, this is the artist.”

Steve offers his hand and the striking woman takes it. “Steven Stark, it’s nice to meet you Ms. Romanov.”

She smirks at him like she has a secret that only she knows. “Mr. Stark, the pleasure is mine.” They trade pleasantries and first names. As they make their way around the gallery, she asks questions about inspiration, content, even preferred medium. Steve almost feels like he’s under interrogation. “Tell me about this one. I watched you work on it last Saturday and I have to say, you have great technique.”

Blushing, Steve wonders if she’s hitting on him, but doesn’t get that kind of vibe from her. “Well, the inspiration for this one is my brother and his wife. Their anniversary is coming up and I wanted to do something special for them.”

She looks critically at the painting. “It’s very good.” She moves on to another painting and gets close enough to inspect the signature. “Steve, why is the last name hyphenated. Are you married?”

So, Steve comes to the conclusion that she’s fishing for information about him. “No, not married. I hyphenate my name for personal reasons.” Perhaps she’s a reporter and is looking for information on the Stark family. 

“Ah,” is all she says for a few minutes while she looks at the painting. “If I wanted to hire you for a commission, is that something you would be willing to do?”

“Yes, I do commissions.” He’s really confused by this woman. It’s not that he doesn’t believe her about the commission, it’s just that  he feels like something else is going on.

“Can you work from a photograph?” He hums and nods. “I know it’s not preferred probably, but there’s no way to get all four of us together at the same time.”

“Your siblings?” She snorts a laugh and Steve catches Clint looking weak-kneed.

“They might as well be, but no. I work with a group and we’ve gotten really close. I’d like to be able to put this up in our lab.” She watches him to see what his reaction will be.

“I can work from a photograph if the quality is good enough.” She goes over to the counter and looks at one of their business cards. Less than a minute later, she looks up, grinning.

“I sent you a few to look through.” Steve goes to the computer and brings up the gallery’s email. When he clicks on the first photograph his world collapses from beneath him. 

Clint sees his friend mentally cave in on himself. It’s only happened one other time, back when they were in college. There had been some kind of project in one of Steve’s art classes and when Clint found him in the art studio, he was just sitting, staring at nothing. Clint had called Tony that time and Tony had immediately shown up with his mother.

Running to Steve’s side, he kneels down, holding the blond by his arms. Clint may like this woman, but she just did something to his family and in a way that Clint doesn’t understand, but that doesn’t matter. “I’m going to ask you to leave and you’re going to do it because if I remove you, I won’t be gentle about it.”

Instead of looking smug, she backs away from the counter like she just realized what she’s done. “I’m sorry. I really didn’t know he’d...”

“Just get out!” Once she’s gone, Clint goes to lock the door. Running back to Steve, his friend is staring at the screen. The red-head is there, with another woman, a large blond man and a brunet man. It’s the same man that bought the painting. “Steve? Come on man, what’s happening?”

Steve’s just staring at the photograph. He’s shaking and tears are crawling down his cheeks. “Bucky?” It’s the only word he can get out. Clint picks up the phone and calls Maria. He has no idea what any of this means, but he’s also only ever seen his friend like this the one other time and it took a couple of days for Steve to be okay again.

It took years for Maria to learn what sent Steve into the catatonic state and the asthma attack that nearly killed him. Sarah didn’t know about any of the boys’ conflict because she’d been at work the day Steve became catatonic. Normally, Sarah would have taken Steve with her to draw and paint while she worked in the Stark Industries medical wing, but Bucky had promised to stay with Steve all day and so, she’d let the boys stay. All Maria was sure of, for the first few years, is that Sarah had found Steve that night, lying on the sofa, staring blankly at the wall. Maria knows that Sarah tried calling Bucky’s parents to find out what had happened, but no one answered. Maria got the call from Sarah and they had rushed a car over to pick them up and bring them back to medical.

A few days later, when Steve was finally cleared to return home, the friend and his family were gone and Steve had an asthma attack so bad that if not for Sarah’s medical training, the boy would have died right there in their apartment. As it was, he never went back to the apartment and Sarah ended up finally taking Maria up on the offer of an apartment in the Stark Building. Maria finally got Steve to talk about it nearly two years after Sarah died from her cancer. She watched his eyes go distant as he spoke about the friend that he loved more than anything. Then she let him break down in her arms and cry about it all over again.

Today, she lets herself into the gallery and finds her son sitting at the counter, staring blankly at the computer screen. Clint’s sitting with him, just holding him. When she comes around the counter, she looks at the screen, reaching over she turns it off and Steve blinks back to himself. “Steven?”

Looking up, it’s like he’s seeing Clint for the first time and then his mother. “Mom, what are you doing here?”

Clint vacates his chair so that she can sit down. Taking his hand, she looks into those blue eyes. “Sweetheart, Clint called when you...”

Steve blinks again, looking up at Clint. “I checked out?” 

“Yeah man, it’s been  a while .” Steve blushes in embarrassment and then looks over at Maria.

“Tell me what happened, Steve.” He reaches over, turning the computer screen back on. She looks at the four people smiling back at her.

“A woman came in,” He points at the red-head, “and wanted me to do a commission of her and her co-workers.” He hasn’t stopped staring. He points at the brunet man. “That’s Bucky, Mom.”

She looks up at Clint, who is very confused by everything that’s happened. “Close the gallery for the day, Clint, we’re going back to the house.” She looks at Steve and then back at Clint. “You’re coming too and I’m going to explain what you just saw because you’re going to have to know in order to deal with it should it happen again.” She looks back at the screen. “And if that boy is in the city, it could.”

Clint just nods and goes to turn the lights off and lock up everything in back. They help Steve to the car where Happy is waiting. He’s trying to be brave and act as though he’s fine, but Maria can tell her son is fighting everything in his mind to keep from collapsing.

It's the first Saturday that the artist doesn’t paint by the front window. In fact, it’s the first time the gallery has been closed since it open, save for holidays. The people in the neighborhood leave notes on the front door with well-wishes. Bucky stops by and sees that all the lights are off and the notes on the door. Fear grips him and he does a quick search on his phone and on the website finds an announcement that the gallery will be closed until further notice due to an illness in the family.

He calls Jane and when Thor picks up, Bucky can’t help but smile. Maybe Jane finally told the big, blond genius how she feels. “Thor, is Jane around?”

“James! It’s good to hear your voice, yes, my Jane is here. Hold on.” Bucky sniggers at the use of ‘my Jane,’ so when his friend gets on the line, she can hear him laughing.

“Shut up, James.” That makes him laugh even harder, but when he looks up, seeing the gallery dark, he sobers pretty quickly. “What’s up?”

“Jane, did you hear anything about Stark’s parents being sick?” Looking down at the ground, he really hopes this is something simple and not serious. Somehow Jane and Natasha always know the gossip around the company. He swears that the two women missed their calling as spies.

“Oh...uh, not Mr. Stark’s parents, no.” There’s definitely something she’s not saying and he can tell that she doesn’t want to say more.

“Jane, what’s going on?” The sound muffles and he can tell that Jane is talking to Thor, who seems insistent about something. “Jane?”

There a heavy sigh from her. “Okay, listen, you need to stay calm about this, but through a series of unfortunate events, I happen to know that Stark’s brother, Steve, had some kind of episode and has been at the family estate for the last few days.” Bucky’s world falls apart in a matter of seconds and the only indication for Jane is the sob that comes out of the phone. 

Bucky makes his way down the street to the alley and leans against the wall. “Jane, tell me what you know.”

“Please don’t get mad at Nat.” He says her name again, only a little more harshly, so she’ll get to the point. “She went into the gallery to ask about painting something for the lab, a portrait of all four of us.”

“Oh god, please tell me that she didn’t show him a picture?” Bucky hangs his head and closes his eyes because he knows.

“Yeah, that’s what she did. He had some kind of reaction and his business partner threw her out. From what I heard when I went up to drop the specs that Mr. Stark wanted, the buzz in the office is that the day it happened Mr. Stark got a call and ran out of the office. Ms. Potts was in a meeting at the time, but when Mr. Stark called her, she left the building too. They haven’t been back in the office since.” She goes silent for a few seconds, then huffs on the other end of the phone. “James, you need to do something. He’s obviously still really affected by this.” If Bucky were in the right frame of mind, he would probably be upset that his team has been sharing information about him, but right now, he can only think about Steve.

“Yeah, how do I find out where the Stark Estate is?” It’s a bad idea, Bucky knows it’s a bad idea, but he’s got to try and fix this, if for no other reason than it will give Steve the closure he needs. They hang up and within minutes Bucky has the address he needs.

He orders a car from Stark Industries and the man that comes to pick him up is surprised to be taking him to the estate. He tells Bucky that in all the years he’s worked for Stark, he’s never been. All the way there, Bucky knows how bad this could turn out, but he’s got to give Steve something and even if the man wants to punch him in the face, he’ll take it because he deserves it. He could lose his job over this, but Steve’s well-being is worth it.

Steve comes down the stairs and really wishes his family would let him go back to his apartment, but until his mom gives the okay, he’s stuck here. Stuck isn’t the right word because he loves his family, but they can be extremely over-protective. “Ah, there you are.” Steve grins at Howard and the man throws an arm around his shoulder, pulling him down the hall and out to the back terrace. “I know you’re going stir-crazy, but you haven’t had anything like that happen in a very long time. You can’t blame your mother for being worried.”

“Since college.” Howard nods and they sit at the table where lunch is laid out. Howard looks at him and Steve lowers his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Shaking out his napkin, Howard places it in his lap and picks up his fork. “What are you sorry for, Steve?”

The artist gives a half shrug and doesn’t look up. “I’m sorry I’m not strong like everyone else in the family.”

Howard puts his fork down and sits back. “Steve? Steven, look at me, please.” His voice isn’t harsh, but soft and kind. Steve looks up. “You are stronger than all of us put together.” Steve starts to shake his head. “Yes, son, you are. You’ve been through things that we can’t imagine and come out of it creative and kind-hearted. I have to be honest with you, if I’d been through what you have, I don’t think I would be where I am.”

“Thanks for that. I just...I wish I knew why it’s still effecting me all these years later.” Howard smiles.

“I think I can answer that.” Howard picks his fork back up and points at the food in front of Steve. The blond picks up his fork and takes a bite. “Now, if I tell you my opinion, you have to promise to never tell anyone I said this because I have a reputation to uphold.” Steve chuckles. “I know your therapist probably has some medical jargon for it, but I think it comes down to love.” Steve looks up confused. “See, there are certain people that love very deeply and you’re one of those people. Once you give your love to someone, you don’t take it back, not even when it hurts you. And that, son, doesn’t make you weak, that means you have to be stronger than the rest of us because it takes a strength I don’t possess to love with that kind of conviction.”

Steve smiles at his dad. “Oh, I don’t know, I think you understand that kind of love better than you think. You took in a skinny little kid with more problems than solutions without even giving it a thought.”

“Maybe you’re right, but don’t tell anyone.” They laugh over their lunch when Maria comes out to join them.

“Tony and Pepper will be here soon. They went into the office to wrap up a few things, but didn’t want to be away too long.” Howard reaches over, taking her hand and kissing it. Steve gives him a look and Howard smirks. Howard Stark very much understands loving people deeply.

By the time Tony and Pepper get back, the group moves into the living room and are talking about some of the new projects at the company. That’s when the front door chimes and Tony gets up to answer it. Steve hears him say, “Barnes, what are you doing here,” and gets up making his way shakily to the door.

Bucky locks eyes with him when he comes around the corner and Steve only has the presence of mind to say, “Bucky?”

Tony looks between the two men, then his temper flares. “You’re Bucky? You bastard!” Tony’s fist is flying before Steve can come back to himself. Bucky goes down and Steve’s at his side, pulling his head into his lap and using his own shirt to stop the blood from his nose.

“TONY! What the fuck!” Bucky’s waving his arms and Steve’s looking at his brother with venom. The rest of the family has gathered at the door and aren’t sure who they should be glaring at.

“I deserve that.” Bucky sits up, staring at all the people looking on. “I deserve anything Steve thinks is appropriate.”

“Damn right you do!” Tony steps over, leaning over the man. “Oh, and you’re fired!” Bucky’s just nodding having expect that.

Steve looks over at his brother and through clinched teeth, responds. “Wait, he works for you?” Tony nods. “No, he isn’t fired.” He looks back down at his former friend. “Why did you come? You had to know it wasn’t a good idea.”

“I came to apologize to you for everything. I know it doesn’t help, not this many years later, but I didn’t mean what I said to you that day. Honest to God, Steve, I didn’t mean it.” Tears well up and flow over onto Bucky’s cheeks.

“You mean that? I mean, you really mean that?” Bucky nods because he can’t talk anymore. “We’re going to go in and talk and my brother is going to get you some ice for your face.”

“Steven, are you sure?” Maria doesn’t want  any more harm to come to her family, but Steve’s a grown man and has to do some of this on his own.

“I’m sure, Mom.” He helps Bucky to stand and they head into the kitchen where Tony is getting ice. Taking the ice pack from him, Steve kisses his brother’s head. “Thanks for standing up for me.”

There’s silence in the kitchen for a few minutes, while Steve sits next to Bucky, holding the ice pack against his cheek. Bucky’s just looking at the blond because he never thought he’d be this close to him again. There’s kindness in his eyes and softness in the set of his jaw. Steve Rogers was always a pretty kid, but he’s grown into a gorgeous man. Finally, because he doesn’t know what else to say and knows the family is watching, Bucky breaks the silence. “I don’t expect you to ever forgive me, but after spending all those years listening to my father, I said what I thought was right. It wasn’t until my grandfather told me that my father was a raging asshole and that anything he said to us as kids should be thrown out with the trash that I realized I could have a different opinion.”

Steve just stares at him, looking over the face of that boy he loved so much. He can’t get words to come out because lanky Bucky Barnes has turned into a beautiful man with eyes that seem to be looking into Steve’s soul. Maria is the one that finally speaks. “And do you have a different opinion now?”

Tony is still clenching and unclenching his hands, while Pepper is rubbing his back trying to get him to calm down. Bucky looks up, meeting the eyes of the woman that Steve calls Mom now. “I do. My grandfather helped me realize that because of everything my father taught us, it made me afraid to accept myself. He helped me accept that I’m gay and was with me when I came out to my mom and sister.”

Steve freezes at that, letting his hand drop from Bucky’s face. The ice pack hits the floor with a splat. “ Yo ...you...your gay?”

Bucky leans down, picking up the ice from the floor. “Yeah.” He looks back up at Steve who suddenly looks angry. “If I’d been able to get in touch with you, I would have fixed this a long time ago, then I came back to New York and Mrs. Hennesy told me that you and Sarah had died.”

Nothing that Bucky just said registers with Steve, all he can see is red. Standing, he goes to the far side of the kitchen and looks at Howard. His dad nods. “Say what you need to say, son.” He knows that his son has to process this in his own way and that maybe this anger is a long time coming.

Turning back to Bucky, Steve glares and the rage from all those years ago, the rage that he couldn’t find as a kid, bubbles over now. “You selfish bastard! You come here to apologize and then have the nerve to tell me that your gay! The same thing you raked me over the coals for! I hope you feel better because I don’t!” Tony’s never seen his brother like this before. He knows the story, he knows what Barnes said to Steve all those years ago, but when Steve finally confided in him, it was only pain and anguish. Now, he’s seeing a side of his brother that he’s never had the pleasure to witness. “I’ll accept your apology for what you did as a stupid kid, but you can leave now because you aren’t welcome!” Steve looks over at his mom and dad. “I’m feeling much better and I’m going back to the city. Thank you for protecting me, but I don’t think I need that anymore.”

Steve is up and gone, headed up the stairs to pack and get Happy to take him back to the city and his gallery. Bucky watches him go, but just looks resigned to this development. Did he hope that they could have been friends again? Sure, but this is more what he actually thought would happen. “I’m going to leave now.” He looks at Tony. “I’ll clear my stuff out of the lab today.” He’s gone before anyone can say anything.

Tony looks over at his parents. “Did you know Steve had that kind of fire in him?”

Maria chuckles and Howard puts an arm around her. “Yes, we did. He’s just needed the outlet for that. Now maybe he can let it go.”

Pepper looks over at Tony with a worried expression. “I don’t mean to go all CEO on you, but you do realize that the prosthetic he’s working on is his brain-child and if he leaves, it goes with him. It was part of the contract.”

Tony looks up at the ceiling and then heads for the door. “Fuck!” 

Maria looks over at Pepper for an explanation when Tony comes back around the corner having missed the scientist. Tony shakes his head and Pepper blows out a breath and explains. “Dr. Barnes made a breakthrough on a prosthetic that would interface with the brain. It would enable those with missing limbs to have a new limb that worked like the one they lost.”

Howard looks over at his son. “Tony, is this the project you were so excited about?” The younger man nods. “You have a decision to make.”

Steve comes around the corner with his bag. “Keep him, Tony. Don’t fire him. The project would help too many people. Just don’t ever invite us to the same functions.”

Tony looks over at Steve. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, let him at least help other people because he sure as hell never did anything for me.” 

Bucky goes to the lab and after going to the washroom to clean up a little, he starts gathering his things, no matter what anyone else thinks, he deserves what he’s getting. The lab doors open and his team comes in looking apologetic. “You shouldn’t be here, it’s Saturday.”

Natasha looks over what he’s doing. “We could say the same to you. What are you doing, Barnes?”

Something snaps. “I’ve been fired, Romanov because you couldn’t keep your nose out of a situation that you had no idea about.” He turns to Jane and Thor. “I can only assume that you gave her just enough to get her curious.”

Jane comes to him, putting a hand on his back, but he pulls away. “What happened?”

“What happened?” He laughs, but there’s something manic about it and Jane pulls back. “Well, I trusted people I shouldn’t have and got myself fired.” He turns away from them. “Because of what you told Nat, she went to the gallery and sent Steve into a tailspin. His family has been picking up the pieces for the last few days. I went to apologize to give him closure and got myself punch and fired by Tony fucking Stark!” Turning back to them with the box of his few personal possessions, he shakes his head. “Now, when asked later, you’ll have the full story to share with whoever is curious.”

He makes it to the door when Thor finally speaks up. “I didn’t tell anyone anything, James.” Bucky meets his eyes. 

“I appreciate that, Thor, but none of it matters now. This is all because of my actions when I was 11 and I’d like to be able to make an excuse, but I brought this on myself.” He pushes the door open and calls over his shoulder. “Tell Stark that everything I’ve done on the prosthetic is still in the system and I expect him to make it work and not cut any corners.” After that, he’s gone.

When he arrives home, there are already too many calls and texts on his phone. Since it’s a company phone he doesn’t feel bad about ignoring it. Not willing to deal with whatever else might happen, he turns the phone off and digs out his personal cell that he stopped carrying when he was issued the Stark Phone. Bucky gets on the internet and requests a messenger service for pick up. Going to the closet, he pulls out a box and packs the computer, tablet, and phone. Within the hour, he’s handing the box off to the service and locking the door. 

He doesn’t eat and decides that sleeping sounds better. Making sure everything is locked, he draws all the curtains, turns out all the lights, and falls into the blankets on his bed. Sleeping sounds like the best plan. He wakes later, it’s dark out and someone is banging on his door. Not wanting to deal with anyone, he rolls over and pulls a pillow over his head. He doesn’t get up for the next three days.

The only reason he gets up on the third day is because he hears Steve’s voice between the banging on the door.

“What do you mean he left the prosthetic in JARVIS?” Steve’s not sure why Tony is calling or so  irate about this.

“Well Steven, he took me seriously when I fired him, cleaned out his office, but left the design with me and instructions to not cut corners and make it.” Steve can almost see his brother pinching the bridge of his nose in confusion. “He’s left his life’s work with me to finish. Jesus, Steve, this guy could make billions on this thing and he’s just left it.”

“He left it because he knows you’ll do the right thing.” It’s been three days since the mess at the estate and Steve’s tried not to think too much about it, but it keeps playing over and over in his head.

“I don’t think you understand, Steve. He left his life’s work, turned in all of the tech we issued him and has not been seen since. I sent the lab rats over and he’s not answering the door.” Steve really hopes that Tony isn’t implying what it sounds like. “Steve, his whole world just came crashing down and since none of us know him well enough to say that he wouldn’t hurt himself, I think he’s hurt himself.”

“That’s not my issue, Tony. Call the police if you’re that worried.” He hangs up, done with this whole conversation, but starts pacing the apartment. He doesn’t know Bucky anymore and doesn’t know if the guy would hurt himself. He’s just about ready to call the police himself when his phone buzzes with a text. Tony sent him Bucky’s address. “Shit.”

By the time Steve gets to Bucky’s apartment, it’s dark out and he’s worked himself up into a frenzy. He knows, in his gut, that the boy he once knew wouldn’t hurt himself, but he doesn’t know this man. He starts banging on the door and when the lady across the hall comes to see what’s going on, he asks if she’s seen Bucky. He becomes more worried when she says that he came home a few days ago and she’s not seen him since.

Steve goes back to banging and calling Bucky’s name. It takes entirely too long for the door to creak open and Bucky to look at Steve like he’s seeing a ghost. Steve pushes into the apartment and closes the door behind him. Bucky looks up and then Steve watches him collapse to the floor and start to sob. Steve sits with his back to the door and pulls Bucky into his lap, not unlike the day at his parents’. 

Running his hand up and down the man’s back, Steve shushes him and whispers that it’s all going to be okay, but that only makes Bucky cry harder. It takes entirely too long for him to get himself under control and when he looks up at Steve, the blond can see the bruise from where Tony hit him. He starts to speak, but Steve shakes his head. “You’re going to go  shower; I’m going to order some food and then we’re going to talk.”

Bucky doesn’t argue and heads further into the apartment. Steve looks around and sees little bits of the Bucky he knew in the décor. There’s a NASA model of one of the shuttles and a Mars Rover. Hanging over the mantel is the painting that Steve did. Steve has more questions than he has answers, but shakes himself out of that head-space and orders pizza. Going into the kitchen, he starts washing up the dishes that are in the sink.

He hears Bucky before he sees him. Silence fills the apartment until they both jump at the knock on the door. Steve brushes past Bucky to pay for the pizza and then carries it to the living room. “Get some plates, will  ya ?” He watches the man move without making a sound, like he’s a ghost himself. When he comes into the living room carrying plates and a couple of beers, Steve takes a seat on the sofa and Bucky sits in a chair by the window. Steve knows he’s leaving as much space between them as possible and appreciates his intent. He hands a plate over and Bucky just stares at the pizza. Steve starts eating, watching how the man doesn’t move, almost like he’s not even there. “You need to  eat, something tells me  ya haven’t been.”

Bucky picks up the first slice and takes a bite, chewing slowly. He’s about halfway through the slice when he finally looks up. “You don’t  gotta stay, Steve. You don’t want to be here and because of that, I don’t want you here.”

Steve finishes up his first slice and starts on the second one, causing Bucky to sigh. Steve covertly looks at the man in the chair and sees how dark the circles around his eyes are and not just from the bruising. He sees how pale the man is and how his hands are shaking. “I think you owe me more of an explanation and how you have that painting.” He indicates the one he noticed earlier.

“I’ll answer anything you want, but I’d like an answer to one question.” Steve nods curtly. “Why does everyone think you’re dead?”

“It just seemed easier than trying to go back to the old neighborhood after.” He doesn’t specify what he means, but Bucky’s a smart guy and knows what he means by ‘after.’ Steve puts his plate on the coffee table and turns to angle himself at his former best friend. “I’ll tell you my story, but I expect you to do the same.”

“I told you, Steve, I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” Steve gets up and starts pacing the living room and Bucky sits his plate down because this is more important than eating. Steve stops and frowns at him making Bucky pick the plate back up and continue choking down the food.

“I was ten years old Bucky and you broke my heart.” Bucky closes his eyes and takes a shaky breath. “When Ma got home from work, I was catatonic on the sofa. I told you that she worked at a hospital, but she worked for Stark Industries on their medical floor.” Bucky looks up, shocked. “She wasn’t allowed to talk about it and so I couldn’t either. So, I knew Mom and Dad and Tony for years before all of this. I would have told you, but in the end, I guess it’s good that I didn’t.” Steve runs his fingers through his hair. “She called Maria, and told her what she found and they sent a car to get us and bring us back to the building. Ma told me later that she tried to call your mom, but no one answered. By the time we got back to our apartment she was too worried about me to try and get answers. A few days later, she went across the street to ask and you, Ma Winnie, and Becca were gone and your dad yelled awful things at Ma and she came home. When she told me you were gone, it triggered an asthma attack like I’ve never had.” He sits on the sofa again. “I really did think I was going to die, but she called Mo. ..Maria again and they sent an ambulance for me. I was in the hospital for weeks.”

He hears a quiet sniffle from the chair and looks over. “I don’t know what to say.”

Steve shrugs and continues on. “There’s nothing to say. Maria convinced my Ma to move into the building so that I could have the medical attention that I needed. She went home and packed the apartment. Everyone thought I was gone, so they left her be. I think in her mind, she wanted to leave that life behind. She thought it would help me. A few months later she was diagnosed with cancer.” Steve gives a sad chuckle. “She fought it like a champ. One of the strongest women I’ve ever known, but nothing could be done in the end. Howard and Maria took me in and within the year adopted me, so that I’d have a family.”

Bucky sits his plate on the floor and comes over to Steve, kneeling in front of him. “I’m so sorry about Ma Sarah. She was a great lady and I know it doesn’t mean much, but I loved her.”

“She loved you too, even after I told her what happened.” Steve looks down at Bucky and sees a little of the boy he used to know. “She said that sometimes kids say things they don’t mean because they heard them all their lives.”

“It’s not an excuse.” Bucky hangs his head and Steve pats his shoulder. That’s all he can allow himself right now.

“No, it isn’t, but that doesn’t make it untrue.” Bucky gets back up and goes back to the chair. “It’s your turn.”

He can see that Bucky is gripping the chair arms to the point of his knuckles being white. “I’m going to tell you what happened, but you have to know, I’m not making excuses for myself, I’m just telling you what I know.” Steve nods and sits back on the sofa. “I spent my whole life up ‘til I was 11 hearing my father talk about faggots and how they should all be beaten or killed. I don’t think I ever felt that way, but I guess it got in my head. When you told me that you thought you were gay, it just came out. I know I didn’t mean it, but it doesn’t matter because I said it.” His voice begins to shake almost as bad as his hands and as much as Steve wants to go to him, he keeps his seat. “That night, my Ma knew something had happened and she came into my room. I told her and I don’t think I ever cried that hard. She stormed out of the room and yelled at my dad, told him what happened and he said it was good that I knew between right and wrong. Ma didn’t let it go and he ended up hitting her.”

Steve is up at that and over at the chair, pulling Bucky into a hug. “I’m sorry. Jesus, Bucky, I’m sorry.”

Bucky lets him go and puts his hands up, almost like he’s defending himself or putting up a barrier. “Thank you, for my Ma, but you don’t want to get too close to me.” Steve backs away realizing that there’s more self-hatred in his former friend than he knew. “The next day she was on the phone with my grandfather and he wired her enough money to get us out of there. We packed while he was at work and the next day when he left for work, we left for Indiana.” Bucky looks up, tears staining his face. “So many times, I wanted to contact you and tell you what an idiot I was. But by that time, I figured you probably didn’t want to have anything to do with me.”

They don’t talk for a while and Steve finally looks up at the painting again. “You know, that’s my Ma and Maria.”

Bucky nods because he did put that together after getting home from their estate that day. “You call her Mom. I’m glad you had them.”

“Yeah, me too. It took time, but Tony told me that just because I called Maria Mom didn’t take anything away from Sarah being my Ma.” Steve chuckles. “He was right.”

“I was cutting through by the building where Harrison’s used to be when I ran into Mrs. Hennesy. She told me that you and Ma Sarah had died and I thought I was going to collapse right there.” He huffs and looks over at Steve. “Actually, I did and then again that night when I called Ma and told her.” Bucky’s eyes get distant and he stares out the window. “I just happened to walk past your gallery and saw that painting. I can't really explain why it drew me in, but it did and when I went in that Saturday to ask about it, you were painting in the window. The guy, Clint, told me that when you get in the zone you don’t know what’s going on around you. I was going to thank you or tell you how much I liked your work, but then I saw your face.” He rubs his hands down his face. “I ran, Steve. I saw you alive and I ran.”

“Why? Why not just come over and...” He stops his words because he knows why.

“I came back the next Saturday and the one after that. Just stood across the street and watched you. Then Natasha showed up, I don’t even know how she found me, except I’m betting Jane told her.” Steve looks over, confused. “Oh...uh, they work in my lab or their lab now. I didn’t know she was going to come in.” He looks over frantic. “I swear I didn’t know. Then I came to the gallery the next Saturday and it was shut down. I called Jane and because nothing stays a secret at Stark Industries, she told me about you having an episode. That’s when I came to the estate.”

Steve gets up, wiping his sweaty hands down his jeans. “Why did you leave your work in JARVIS?”

Bucky looks down, shaking his head. “Because I knew that once it got out that I was fired from Stark Industries, no one would hire me. I need that work to get completed Steve, it’s been everything to me and if I can’t do it, I know Tony would make sure it did because he believes in the project.”

“I came here because I thought you might have hurt yourself.” 

Bucky just gives a weak smile. “I wouldn’t do that, Steve. I wouldn’t do that to my Ma and Becca. They’ve been through enough.”

Steve nods absentmindedly. “I should probably go.” Bucky doesn’t try to stop him and Steve makes his way home.

Thursday morning comes and Bucky doesn’t get up because he has no reason to. He’s started packing his apartment the day before and looked into moving companies that can get him back to Indiana. He hasn’t taken the painting down yet because he wants to be able to look at it until it’s time to go. He also hasn’t called his Ma yet to let her know. Maybe he’ll treat it like a surprise when he just shows up. It’s nearly 10 when he shuffles to the coffee maker and turns it on. Standing over it, he waits for the carafe to fill enough to pour a cup.

There’s a knock and as much as he doesn’t want to answer, he goes anyway. The last person he’s expecting to see is Pepper Potts. “Dr. Barnes, you haven’t been showing up for work and I was concerned.”

Bucky turns around, looking at his apartment and wondering if he fell and hit his head. Maybe he’s still asleep and dreaming. Looking back at the woman, he sees that she seems to be amused by his behavior. “Ms. Potts, I was fired and I have no idea what’s happening.”

The coffee maker beeps and she steps inside the apartment. “Why don’t we have a cup of coffee and I’ll explain it to you?” She sits at the dining room table and Bucky notices how she’s looking around. Sitting her coffee in front of her, Bucky takes a seat and waits. Pepper folds her hands in front of her and gives Bucky a curious look. “Dr. Barnes, Stark Industries doesn’t steal other people’s ideas.” He starts to argue that point and she puts up a hand to stop him. “This project is your baby and only you have a complete knowledge about it. You are the only one that can make this prosthetic work.”

“Ms. Potts, does Mr. Stark know you’re here, for that matter, does Steve? I think they would both be happy for me to leave the city and go back to Indiana. I’m betting their parents would be too.” Bucky sips from his mug and watches her, watching him.

“I’m here today because Tony asked me to come. He was afraid that you’d...let’s see...how did he put that...ah yes, ‘seek revenge and the guy is all muscle, so I’d drop like a sack of sugar.’” Bucky snorts a laugh. “As for everyone else, yes, Steve, Howard and Maria know that I’m here. You’re going to go get dressed and come back to work. I do ask that you forgive my husband for punching you, he’s very protective of Steve.”

Bucky nods. “I’m glad he has a family that cares so much about him.”

“It seems to me that it isn’t just his family that cares about him.” Bucky doesn’t answer and goes to get ready for work.

It’s quiet in the lab when he gets there. Normally, there would be music and chatter, but Nat, Jane and Thor all seem to be working on their own thing. Bucky stands in the door and just watches. It’s finally Thor that looks up. He grins wide and comes to offer a hand. “James, it’s good that you’re back. We have no idea what we’re doing.”

The two women seem shy and that isn’t something Bucky is used to. Jane comes forward and offers a hug. “I’m sorry I told anyone about what we talked about.”

“I’m sorry I yelled at you.” He looks over at Natasha. “I’m sorry I yelled at you too.”

Nat comes over, bumping his arm. “I deserved it.”

Bucky takes his jacket off and heads to his terminal. “Okay, let’s see what we’ve got.” At some point music starts to play and the team starts to chat to each other. Bucky knows they all want to ask, but he’s not going to get into that with them. It’s not that he doesn’t trust them, but he’s got to protect Steve. From this point on, everything will be to protect Steve.

Clint watches his friend and now that he knows everything about the man’s past, he gets why Steve’s always been so guarded. It’s Saturday morning and Steve is setting up at the front window. There’s a bigger crowd today because the artist is back and this neighborhood loves their local businesses. Clint can see Timothy and the woman with red lipstick at the back of the crowd. The big man’s arm is around her shoulder and she’s leaning into him. 

He also sees the woman with red hair, trying to hide under a hat and sunglasses. Once Steve gets started, Clint heads outside. “I’m going for coffee. You want anything?”

He’s not quite in the zone yet, so Steve lifts his head. “Tea?”

“I gotcha, buddy.” Heading down the sidewalk, he turns and the red-headed woman is watching him. He motions with his head and she follows him. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see that he was okay.” She follows Clint around the corner and pulls him to a stop. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know he’d have that reaction. I thought I was doing something good.”

“Well, do me a favor and don’t try to help anymore.” She smiles at him and Clint can feel his heart speed up. “Now, what do you want from the café?”

She links her arm in his and looks at the ground, shyly. Clint suspects that she’s playing him because nothing about this woman says shy. “I could go for a coffee and maybe one of those pastries.”

Clint tugs her along, pulling her close. “Those damn paintings.” She has no idea what he means by that, but he swears on the magic.

They make a plan to meet up the next day for lunch or dinner and Clint goes back into the gallery with a grin on his face. Steve looks up, taking the tea. “Did you at least get her number?”

Clint blushes furiously because Steve’s never noticed the people before, but the big, blond, artistic genius is smirking. “Yeah, I hope that’s okay.”

“I want you to be happy, Clint. You know that.” Clint nods and goes to uncrate a few of the new pieces. He gets a text from Maria around 11 and sends back a quick text that Steve seems to be just fine.

Clint sees Barnes across the street, leaning against a building, just watching. When Steve starts to wrap up from the day’s painting, the other man wanders off down the street. He’s not sure when Barnes showed up, but it’s obvious that he doesn’t want Steve to know he was there. Clint can’t let this turn into something, so he goes to help Steve. “He was out there again.”

Steve looks up. “Yeah, I know.”

Sunday afternoon Bucky sits at the café around the corner from the gallery because it really does have the best coffee. He orders lunch and sips the cappuccino and looks through the project on his tablet. The waitress brings out his food just as someone pulls out the chair and sits down across from him. The waitress grins and throws her arms around Steve. “Steve, it’s good to see you.”

Steve hugs her back. “You too, Chloe.”

She pulls out her pad. “What can I get you?”

“I’ll have tea and a BLT.” She writes it down and walks back into the café. Bucky just sits staring at the man and wondering how much trouble he’s in this time. Picking up his cappuccino, he nearly chokes on Steve’s next words. “You were watching yesterday.”

Bucky grabs his napkin and wipes his chin and sees the twinkle in Steve’s eye. He takes just a second to look at the man across from him. Little Stevie, as Ma Sarah used to call him, is anything but little and he’s beautiful. Dark blond hair glowing in the sunlight, blue eyes the same color as the sky, he’s just beautiful and now that Bucky lets himself look, he feels flutters in his stomach. Pulling himself out of his musings, he takes a deep breath. “Yeah, but I won’t be back.” Steve seems confused by this and his brow furrows. “I told myself that I can’t keep being part of your life, but I gave myself one more Saturday.”

Steve seems to consider that for a few minutes and in that time, Chloe comes back with his food. They chat for a minute or two and then she goes on her way. “You should let me paint you.”

Bucky, unfortunately, had just taken a bite and now does choke. He takes a drink of water to try to wash the sandwich, that’s lodged in his throat, down. “What?”

“You should let me paint you. You’re a good subject.” Bucky doesn’t answer because he has no idea how to respond to that. “When did you decide to grow your hair out?”

Bucky’s poor brain has made the executive decision to stop working. He’s trying, very hard, to allow time to compute what’s being said and asked. He finally decides that Steve’s messing with him and tries to come up with an answer. “I. ..uh ...it was actually Becca.” Steve takes a bite of his food and quirks his head to the side in question. Bucky remembers that look. “When we were in high  school, she told me that I should grow it out because I had better hair than her.”

Steve nods, eating and watching Bucky closely enough that the brunet doesn’t know what to do, so he starts eating again. “It looks good.” Bucky just hums. “How is Becca and Ma Winnie?” If Steve were anyone else, he might miss the strange look that passes over Bucky’s face. But he isn’t just anyone and he knows that there’s something.

“They’re good.” Steve gives him a look that tells him he wants more information. “Becca went to school and works at a place in LA and Ma’s still running the farm. She supplies some of the restaurants around that area with fresh produce.”

“I’m glad they’re doing well.” His next questions  has Bucky freezing. “What about your dad?”

Bucky’s no longer hungry. Placing his sandwich back on the plate, he sits back, looking up at the sky. “I’m not sure what’s happening here, Steve, but as far as my dad is concerned, I wouldn’t know because once we left here, I never saw or heard from him again. And I’m glad for that.” Getting his wallet out, he puts enough money on the table to cover his lunch and stands.

“Where are you going?” There’s no way that Steve doesn’t know what he’s doing and all Bucky can figure is that he’s asking these questions to torture Bucky. And it’s working. They aren’t friends anymore and this spontaneous lunch isn’t a  catch-up conversation.

“I’m going to the lab and doing some work.” He’s a few paces away when Steve asks one more question.

“What do you want from me, Bucky?” When he turns, Steve is sitting back in his chair, staring off into space.

Going back to the table to keep this conversation as private as possible out in public, he lowers his voice. “I don’t want anything from you, Steve. I wanted to apologize to you and never expected anything else from you. I’ve done that, so there’s no reason to act like we can be anything to each other.”

He turns, but before he can step away, Steve rips the rug out from under him. “What if I want to be something to each other?”

The breath that Bucky takes nearly turns into a sob. “You have better people in your life than me. People that love you and would never hurt you like I did.”

Steve catches his wrist. “But you and I have a history.”

“A history that nearly killed you.”

Whatever Steve had wanted to happen, didn’t. He looks into the café where Clint and Natasha are watching. They come out to join him after Bucky is gone from sight. “Hey man, are you okay? That didn’t look like it went well.”

“I just want to see if he’s still the boy I remember, but from everything I’ve seen, he’s not.” Natasha doesn’t know him well, but she reaches over, putting a hand on his arm.

“Maybe part of him died too.” Steve looks in the direction that Bucky went and then looks back at his table companions.

“Maybe you’re right. Maybe I wasn’t the only one hurt that day.” For the first time, instead of blaming Bucky, he sees Bucky as the victim that he was. A victim of a man that had nothing, but hate for the world around him. With that in mind, they finish their lunch and Steve catches a cab to the Stark Industries Building.

He makes his way up to Pepper and Tony’s floor where he finds his sister-in-law working on the computer and his brother lounging on the sofa. “Oh, thank god you’re here.” Tony jumps up from his position and comes to Steve, hugging him. Pepper comes around the desk to kiss his cheek.

“Why are you so excited to see me?” He looks between the two and sees the look on Pepper’s face.

“Yes, Tony, tell your brother what you did, so he understands why you’re in time-out.” Tony cocks an eyebrow at her, then huffs.

“I may have bought something that Pepper didn’t approve.” Steve crosses his arms over his chest because the last time Tony bought something he shouldn’t have, a truck showed up at the estate with a life-sized bouncy castle for their  parents' anniversary.

“And what did you get this time?” Pepper nods for him to explain himself.

“I’d rather not say and I know you didn’t come to hear about this, Steve, so what can I do for you?” Steve rolls his eyes and Tony grabs his arm and they leave the office.

“I want to get onto the R&D lab floors.” Tony freezes as they step into the elevator. “Before you go all big brother on me, I’m just trying to figure something out.”

“And what is that?” The elevator doesn’t move. Steve knows that Tony has to give the order because Steve doesn’t have clearance for those floors. It’s not that Tony doesn’t trust him, but most people don’t have clearance and since Steve is never in the building anymore, adding him didn’t seem necessary.

“I think Bucky is as damaged as I was. I want to see if I’m right.” Tony shakes his head and Steve gives him the puppy face. It always works.

“Fine! J, take us to R&D lab Beta.” He looks over at Steve. “I really don’t want to have to punch this guy again.”

Steve chuckles as JARVIS acknowledges the order. “Very good, sir.”

Tony doesn’t go in with him at Steve’s request. The artist stands at the door, watching Bucky leaning over a table, inputting data. When the doors do open, Bucky looks up and his face immediately shuts down. “Steve?”

“Listen, I think we should talk.” Bucky’s already shaking his head and Steve goes over to the table and in a moment of insanity, throws his arms around Bucky. He tries to get out of the hold, but Steve clings to him. “I’m sorry I lost my temper that day at mom and dad’s. I’m sorry that you had to live with a man that was so awful to all of you.”

There’s a sob and then Bucky’s arms are around the blond, holding on like he’s the only thing keeping Bucky grounded. “You should never apologize to me. This is all on me.”

Leaning away, Steve cups Bucky’s face, wiping the tears away. “Maybe this isn’t all on you. Maybe this is all on him.”

Bucky throws his arms around Steve, pulling him close. “I missed you every day. Every single day.”

“I’m not sure how I feel about this, Steve.” Clint looks over at his friend to see if he’s losing himself again.

“I’m okay, Clint. It’s not like we’re dating, we’re just going to build a friendship based on honesty. I know his horrible background and he knows everything that happened to me now. I just want to see if there’s anything still where our friendship used to be.” Clint hugs him and nods. “If I get hurt again, I can just walk away this time on my terms.”

The gallery closes and Clint leaves with Natasha, who’s watching Steve closely. He knows they are going to meet Thor and Jane and he and Bucky will be the topic of conversation. That’s okay, because he and Bucky are having dinner at the little Mexican place. They’re just talking right now, setting boundaries that they didn’t have as kids, but they aren’t kids anymore. Once he locks up, he turns to see Bucky coming towards him. “I thought we were meeting there?”

“We were, but it’s  kinda a nice night and I thought walking over together would be good.” Steve nods and they head out. As they walk, Steve tells Bucky about the woman still looking for the painting from 1975. “Does this woman think you’re some kind of miracle worker?”

“I have no fucking clue, but she calls every week and every week I tell her the same thing. I can’t get a painting that disappeared. Clint thinks my paintings are magic, maybe I could paint a forgery and sell it to her at an outlandish price and retire.” Bucky snorts and bumps Steve’s shoulder. “What was your day like?”

“I’m going to say something and it’s going to sound like we’re in high school, but just go with it.” Steve grins and nods. “So, I think Clint told Natasha about us having dinner and Nat told Jane, who then told Thor. I felt like I was being watched all day.”

Steve barks a laugh and throws his arms into the air dramatically. “Oh Bucky, did you hear about how much Clint likes Natasha? They’re in love and are going to prom together.”

Bucky shoves Steve and they continue laughing. “You grew into a snarky little shit, Steve Rogers.” Steve stops for a minute and Bucky realizes what he said. “Oh shit! Sorry, I...”

Steve shakes his head and just grins in response. “No, it’s okay. Just been a long time since anyone called me that. Don’t get me wrong, I love that I’m Steven Stark, but it’s nice to hear Rogers from someone that remembers.”

Dinner is really good and the conversation is even better. They talk about Bucky’s life in Indiana and Steve talks about going to NYU for Studio Art and how he had been encouraged to go further away than that, but didn’t want to leave New York. “So, you actually went to college for art? I thought you were just a natural talent.”

“Why do I feel like you’re hiding an insult inside a compliment?” Bucky chuckles and steals a piece of chicken off Steve’s plate. He tries stabbing Bucky with his fork playfully, but the engineer moves too quick for him. 

There’s silence for a minute, then Bucky looks up. “It wasn’t an insult. I’m just really impressed.”

“Where did you go to college?” Bucky looks up, not surprised, but pleased that Steve is interested in his life.

“Cornell.” Steve tosses his fork in resignation. “What?”

“You went to a fucking Ivy League school! You asshole! Why didn’t you tell me you’re a genius?” Bucky snorts into his water.

“I’m not a genius?” Steve quirks an eyebrow and sits back in his chair. “What?” Under the table, Steve’s foot pushes on the Bucky’s chair. “Okay, fine, I’m smarter than average.”

“Uh huh, what did you pay to go there?” Steve sees the moment that Bucky realizes what he’s getting at. He blushes and looks down at his plate. “Not only did you go to an Ivy League school, you didn’t pay for it. You went on a goddamn full ride!”

Bucky just shrugs and tries to looks innocent. “What can I say? I’m a little smarter than average.”

“You’re also an asshole.” Steve starts asking about the prosthetic that Bucky’s working on and as the man talks, Steve’s struck by one thing and it terrifies him. Bucky is beautiful all the time, but when he’s talking about  something he’s passionate about, he’s breathtaking.

Steve closes the gallery Friday evening and heads out to meet Bucky for dinner. They’ve had dinner four times in one week and every time Steve finds himself more and more entranced by the man. Now that they’ve rediscovered their friendship, Steve’s finding that the worst possible thing is happening: he’s still in love with the man. He’s not that boy anymore, the one that broke Steve’s heart, but he’s this new, interesting, and exceptionally lovely person. He knows the worst thing he could do is fall in love all over again, but he’s not 10 anymore and knows how to keep his feelings close to the chest.

He isn’t expecting to walk into the Thai place and find Bucky, with his whole team, Clint, and Pepper with Tony. Steve gets to the table and looks at his new/old friend. “Buck, what the hell did you do?”

Bucky stands and hugs Steve. “I mentioned that I was having Thai with you tonight, Natasha invited herself with Clint, Thor didn’t want to be left out, so he and Jane decided to invite themselves too.”

Steve looks over at his brother. “And that one? How did that one end up here? Pepper I don’t mind, but you let Tony in.”

Pepper blows him a kiss and Tony snorts. “Brother of mine, when I walked into the lab, Thor told me about their dinner plans and it seemed the perfect excuse to tag along and judge you.”

Steve crosses his arms over his chest. He doesn’t notice the way Bucky watches how his muscles move, but everyone else at the table does. “Well, brother of mine, you are not allowed to offend anyone at this table, anyone that’s on the wait staff, or anyone in this restaurant.”

Tony flails about, putting on his best ‘how dare you’ face. Pepper pats his arm. “Don’t worry, I told him that if he misbehaves tonight, he has to return the Bentley he bought last week.”

Clint looks over. “What the hell do you need a Bentley for? You have cars and drivers!”

Tony sits forward, addressing Clint, as Steve takes the seat next to Bucky. “I want to give it to Happy for his birthday.” The table freezes and looks at him in shock. “See, I’m a nice person and none of you even noticed.”

Pepper leans over, kissing his cheek. “I wouldn’t have married you if I thought any differently.” The whole table  awww’s at that and Tony shoots the finger at everyone. Dinner turns out to be one of the funniest nights that Steve’s had in a long time. He does notice Bucky looking at him now and then with something that seems to be admiration.

As they all leave and head their separate ways, Bucky offers to walk with Steve, since his apartment is in the same direction. “That was fun.”

Steve grins. “Yeah, it really was. Your team is actually really nice, but can I ask something?” Bucky nods. “Why would parents name their kid Thor?”

Bucky bellows with laughter and Steve watches mesmerized. The corners of Bucky’s eyes crinkle and his nose scrunches up. God help him, Steve wants to kiss him so bad it hurts. “His brother’s name is Loki.”

Steve loses himself in the laughter from that and when he looks up, Bucky is staring at him with that look again. He decides not to ask or to even give an indication that he noticed.

Bucky pulls his jacket on and looks at himself in the mirror. Steve said that the dinner for Tony and Pepper’s anniversary was business casual and he hopes this fits the bill. Checking the clock, he goes into the bathroom to pull his hair into a messy bun and pulls strands down to frame his face. Looking at himself critically, he wonders what Steve will think. He has to shut that down quickly because he hasn’t let himself get too caught up in those thoughts. Bucky is very aware that he’s falling for Steve, but the man has had enough of Bucky’s bullshit and he’s not going to put this on the artist. Being Steve’s friend is enough. It’s been four months since they rekindled their friendship and it’s been the best four months of Bucky’s life.

There’s a knock and he  goes to grab the door. Opening it, he turns around to head back to get his wallet and keys. “I’ll be right back.” He doesn’t see Steve standing just inside the door with a stunned look on his face. Bucky’s in black slacks that hug everything from his calves to his thighs and ass, over that he’s got a cream-colored turtle-neck and a black blazer over that. He’s stunning and Steve’s holding his emotions together with a band-aid at how good the other man looks. When Bucky comes back into the room, he gets his first looks at Steve and freezes. “Wow.”

Pulling himself out of his Bucky-haze, Steve turns this way and that. “I dress up okay?”

He’s in gray slacks and a gray blazer, but it’s the aqua button-up under it that brings out the blue of Steve’s eyes. He’s trimmed his beard so that it’s close-cropped and he’s devastatingly handsome. “You...you look great.” 

They neither one says anything else as they make their way to the car. Once inside, Steve looks over at Bucky again. He’s going to have a tough time tonight not letting his heart lead him astray. He has no idea that Bucky is thinking the same thing. “What did you get them?” Bucky looks over. “I know you got them something, now what is it?”

He pulls an envelope out of his inside breast pocket. “I got them dinner at Jeffrey’s and tickets to that show that Pepper’s been talking about.”

“You’re going to show up everyone else there.” Steve says it accusingly and Bucky chuckles.

“Not when they see the painting.” Steve blushes. They stare at each other for a few minutes, then Bucky starts talking about something else.

Maria and Howard have come to terms with Steve’s friendship with Bucky, so he’s welcomed with hugs and handshakes. He compliments the décor and Maria takes his arm when he offers it and they start to mingle. Steve watches the way Bucky is with his mom and Howard sees the looks on his son’s face. “You going to tell him?”

Steve looks over, trying to pull off an innocent face, but Howard doesn’t buy it. Steve’s shoulder’s slump. “Am I that obvious?”

“I’m your father, Steve, and I know what love looks like.” Steve starts to protest, but Howard calms him with a hand on his shoulder. “Son, I’m not going to tell him.”

Maria introduces Bucky to a few people, but after the second time of her looking over and catching him  looking at Steve, she guides him to the bar. As he gets his drink, she surprises him. “You’re in love with my son.”

It isn’t a question and Bucky  has no way to get out of this. He finally decides on honesty. “Yes, but I’m not going to let that get in the way of our friendship.”

She takes a sip of her wine. “You don’t think he feels the same?”

“No ma’am and whatever he thought he felt as a kid was just a crush. He’s a better man than I’ll ever be and I’m not good enough for him.” She looks at him with soft eyes.

“Maybe because you think that, you’re just the perfect man for him.” She moves away with a wink.

Steve joins him not long after. “I know I already said it, but you really look good tonight.”

“Thanks Stevie.” It’s the first time that’s slipped out and Steve hugs him.

“I like hearing that again.”

A few days before Thanksgiving, the group goes out for dinner. It’s become a weekly gathering with everyone watching the two men and seeing how their feelings have evolved, but when Tony spoke to his mother and she told him what Bucky had said, the man knew they were all just going to have to bide their time. At some point the two idiots at the table would figure their shit out. Natasha leaned into Clint and he kisses her temple. “What is everyone doing for Thanksgiving?”

Jane grins sheepishly. “I’m going home with Thor.” There are ‘oooohs’ around the table and she glares at them all with no malice. “You guys are assholes.” She turns to Bucky. “What about you, Bucky?”

“Oh, uh, I’m headed to Indiana on Wednesday. Becca is coming in from California and we’re both surprising Ma.” Steve smiles and bumps Bucky’s shoulder. “What about the Stark Family, what do you guys get up to?”

Tony beams at the table. “Well, we will be making our annual trip to the Hamptons to our house out there. Mom and Steve will cook the finest meal that anyone has ever eaten because Dad and I burn water.”

Pepper sniggers. “It’s true. Tony tried to make microwave mac and cheese once and the fire department had to be called.”

“I remember that!” Tony shakes his head and Steve smirks at him. “Oh, I am so telling them this story.” Tony tries to stuff a napkin in Steve’s mouth, but he forces him off. “Tony read only enough of the directions to see how long to cook  it. He didn’t take the top off and he,” Steve loses his control and starts to giggle. Bucky looks at him like he hung the moon and stars. “didn’t add water!” The table falls into a fit of giggles.

Bucky looks over at the self-proclaimed billionaire genius. “You...wait...how did you not...” Then he’s lost to laughs again.

Tony leans back, arms over his chest, trying to looks hurt. Pepper leans in to kiss his cheek and he sighs. “Okay, so now I know that if you don’t add water things burn.” That just throws everyone into even more laughter.

As Steve and Bucky leave the restaurant, Bucky chuckles. Steve looks over. “What?”

Bucky shakes his head. “I just can’t get over Tony and the mac and cheese.” Steve laughs.

“Yeah, Mom was so pissed off. Dad had a hard time not laughing.” They meander down the sidewalk, bundled up in their coats. “When will you be back from Indiana?”

“The Saturday after Thanksgiving. Ma likes to do Black Friday shopping. I hate it, but she and Becca get everything planned down to the second. What do you do after Thanksgiving?” He looks up and Steve’s watching him. Now and then, Bucky swears that Steve looks at him with that same worshipful look that he’s sure crosses his face, but he looks away not allowing himself to indulge in that hope.

“Nothing really special, on Friday we just lay around, but by Saturday Mom and Pepper are ready to hit the stores. I’ll probably go with them.” Bucky nods as they get to Steve’s building. “If you’re home early enough, you want to have dinner Saturday night?”

Bucky steps up to Steve, hugging him and inhaling the intoxicating scent that is his best friend. “Yeah, I’d like that.” It means changing his ticket and disappointing his mom and Becca, but it’s a chance to see Steve as soon as  he gets back.

He stops by the gallery on the way to the airport Wednesday morning. Steve has a package for Bucky’s mom and doesn’t want to mail it. Bucky recognizes a crated painting when he sees it. “Steve, what did you do?”

Steve rubs the back of his neck and looks shy. “I’ve been working on it for a while and didn’t know what I was going to do with it, so I thought your mom might like it.” Bucky hugs him and holds on a little too long for friends. “Have her open it when you get there.”

Bucky’s nose is buried in Steve’s hair and he never wants to let go. “I will. Thank you.” Stepping back, he looks into those blue eyes and wonders how he lived his life for so long without Steve. “This year, I’m most thankful for you...and our friendship.”

Steve starts to step forward, but stops himself. For a split second he thinks about kissing Bucky and just saying those long-ago words. He can’t put that on Bucky again, so he halts his movement. When Bucky arrives in Indiana, Becca is already there and waiting at the airport. They rent a car and head to the farm. Winnie opens the crate after hugging the stuffing out of her kids and they all gasp at what they find. The painting is of Steve and Bucky as boys, before. The painting that Steve calls _ Innocence _ .

In the week that follows Thanksgiving the neighborhood around the gallery turns into a wonderland of lights and decorations. Steve and Clint put up lights in the window and a tree on the back wall, visible from out front. Clint goes out and buys headbands, his has elf ears and Steve’s has antlers. There’s a constant replenished bowl of candy canes and a morning doesn’t go by that Clint doesn’t go around the corner to get a peppermint mocha for both of them.

Steve sets up Saturday morning and knows what he’s going to paint, but it’s going to be embarrassing if Bucky shows up, although he hasn’t shown up on a Saturday for months. Clint watches him looking over the blank canvas. “You stumped for a subject?”

Steve shakes his head and looks up, blushing. “No, I know what I want to paint, but I don’t want to hear anything about it.”

Clint smirks and pulls the candy cane out of his mouth. “Let me guess, you’re going to paint your friend who’s only a friend, but you’d like him to be more than a friend.”

“ Shaddup asshole.” Clint sniggers and goes to unlock the door. “He can’t ever know, Clint. You know that, don’t you?”

“I know that’s what you think and I’ll respect that, but I’m a hopeless romantic and believe that your paintings are magic.” He goes over, leaning on Steve’s shoulder, staring at the blank canvas. “I just want that magic to work for you too.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Clint shrugs and walks away.

Instead of painting just part of the day, Steve paints until the gallery closes. Clint looks out and sees Timothy and his girl watching and how they seem to fit like two puzzle pieces. Just before close, they come into the gallery. Steve is at a stopping point and looks up to see them. “Timothy, it’s good to see you.”

The big sandy red-head, grins and takes Steve’s hand. “Steve, I’d like to introduce you to Peggy.”

They shake hands and she smiles knowingly at him. “You’re very talented, Steve and thank you for doing the painting that Timothy bought for me.”

“I’m really glad you like it.” She goes over to the easel and looks at the new painting.

“Is he someone special?” Steve blushes furiously and Clint chuckles.

“He’s my best friend from childhood.” Clint shakes his head and goes to get a couple of candy canes to offer to the couple.

“You paint him with a romantic eye, Steve. Are you sure he’s just a friend?” Steve starts to cough and Timothy pats his back.

“You’ll have to forgive her.” She scowls at her boyfriend and he scowls right back. “She wants everyone to fall in love.”

“Timothy Dugan, stop making me sound like the romantic. You bought a painting because I mentioned it was my favorite.” Timothy goes over to her, kissing her like she’s delicate. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“You’re lucky I put up with you.” It’s said with such affection that it seems to be a norm for them. They don’t stay much longer and Steve goes to stare at the painting. He did paint Bucky through a romantic lens.

Looking over at Clint, he looks flushed. “You  gotta promise me that if he ever shows up out there, you’ll tell me so I can put this away.” Clint snorts with laughter all the way to the back room.

Monday morning Bucky drags into the lab looking haggard. “Boss, you look like hell.”

Shooting the finger at Thor, Bucky goes to his work station and brings up the specs for the arm. He didn’t sleep well last night, for some reason he had nightmares about losing Steve. In his dream, Steve was sick and Bucky leaned over him as the man took his last breath. Natasha comes over, hip leaning against his station. “You okay?”

Bucky just nods and goes to the coffee machine. “Yeah, I’m okay. Bad dreams.” Jane comes over, hugging him and taking the cup from him to finish making it exactly how he takes it. “Thanks.”

They work in a comfortable silence for a few hours, then Bucky looks up at the screen, dragging different angles of the arm around. He’s hit a speed bump with it and it’s driving him crazy. He pulls up the original design from years ago on the holo-screen and just stares at it. Suddenly, he’s hit with inspiration. “Holy shit!”

The other three come running over as Bucky’s hands fly through all of the files. “What?”

Bucky shakes his head because he doesn’t want to lose this idea. “JARVIS, bring up 184 and overlay it with this.” The different schematics shift and move faster than any of them can follow, but when the old design lays over the newest one, Bucky starts to cry. “We did it.”

He’s being hugged from all sides. “No, you did it.” Nat pulls out her phone and shoots a text off to Steve. If there’s anyone that Bucky will want to share this with, it’s Steve.

By the time the blond arrives with lunch and coffee for everyone, Tony is hugging the living daylights out of Bucky. “Barnes, this is going to revolutionize prosthetics.”

The team watches how Steve’s face beams at what he just heard. “Did you get it?”

Thor is taking the food and coffee from Steve’s hands, which is good because Bucky throws himself into Steve’s arms. “I got it. I figured out the problem. We can build this.” He’s crying again and Steve holds him so close that the team thinks he might be trying to pull Bucky into his own skin.

Tony comes over, rubbing Bucky’s back. “The next step after we build it is to find a test subject.” Bucky pulls away enough to look at the billionaire. “You have someone in mind?”

Bucky nods. He’s never talked about it because it isn’t something that his family thinks about, it just is. But if he can give this to her, his entire life’s work will be worth it. He looks embarrassed up at Steve, like he’s trying to apologize. Steve looks at him confused. “My sister, Becca.”

“Buck?” Bucky steps away and then looks back at the group watching him.

“She lost her arm in an accident her freshman year of high school. I didn’t say anything because she’s just so okay with it, but I know how much she would want this, if I can give it to her.” Steve goes over, hugging them man again.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Bucky just shrugs and burrows into Steve’s embrace. Steve leans away, brushing Bucky’s loose hair away from his face. “Tell me.”

“After it happened, she was devastated, but once she accepted it, through lots of therapy, she acted like it was no big deal. She learned to do things on her own because she said that she wasn’t going to be dependent on anyone. I knew how much she missed having two arms, but she was so positive and it wasn’t that she was hiding her pain, when she was having a bad day, we all knew.” Jane chuckles at that. “But it wasn’t about her feeling sorry for herself, it was more that she was disappointed that she couldn’t do something.” He looks over at Tony. “When we build this, I want her to have this.”

Tony nods and gives a discreet sniffle. “You build it, make it safe, and we’ll fly her out here and get it done.” Steve leans over to his brother, kissing his head. “Back off, Steve. You’re going to make me emotional and I don’t do emotions.”

“Sure, you don’t.” They sit to eat and Bucky and the team explain to Steve how the arm will work. “It’s going to be beautiful.”

Christmas comes and Bucky isn’t able to get home. A storm came through Indiana and no planes can get in or out. The stormfront is headed to the East Coast, so by the time he could get into Indiana, he wouldn’t be able to get out of New York. A few days before Christmas, Steve shows up at his apartment and helps Bucky carry his bags down to the waiting car. “Are you sure your parents are okay with this?”

“Buck, we’ve talked about this and you’ve already talked to Mom.” Bucky nods, but still looks unsure. “Did she invite you?” Bucky nods again. “Maria Stark doesn’t invite anyone into her home unless she wants them there. Now get in the car.”

Bucky snorts and climbs into the passenger seat. The drive out of the city is slow going, but once they are out of the traffic, they both relax into the drive. In the end, it isn’t some grand gesture or lovingly composed words, no, in the end it’s Bucky looking over at Steve, beard neatly trimmed, blue eyes shining, small smile on his face from the Christmas music on the radio. And it just happens.

“I love you.” It’s only after the words are out that he’s horrified with himself. Steve doesn’t react, he just calmly pulls off of the road, puts the car in park, unbuckles his seatbelt, and turns his whole body to look over at his friend. Bucky knows that he won’t throw him out of the car because that’s not the kind of person Steve is.

Steve sighs. “I need you to clarify what you just said.” Bucky’s mouth opens and Steve looks at him and it’s Steve’s ‘don’t give me any shit either’ look. “Just clarify.”

“I’m  _ in _ love with you and it will never come up again if you don’t want it to. I’d rather have you as my friend than not at all.” Steve searches his face for something, Bucky has no idea what.

“And when you say you’re in love with me, what does that mean to you and what do you want from me?” Again, Bucky knows he just needs to answer the question.

“It means that I want you in my life in every way possible. As for what I want from you, I just want you to be happy.” At some point he looked down at his hands, finding them entirely too interesting. 

Steve’s hand, his big, beautiful hand, cups Bucky’s chin and forces him to looks up. When their eyes meet, Bucky sees his whole world. “I’m in love with you too and have been my whole life. I know it’s cliché, but the day I met you, I really understood what being alive was supposed to be about. You broke my heart once and I don’t want that to happen again, but I love you too much to let you go out of a possibility that you could hurt me.”

Tears gather in Bucky’s eyes and he reaches up to wrap his hands around the one still cupping his jaw. “I’ll never hurt you again. I swear on Becca’s life that I’ll never hurt you. The only reason that I’m happy is because of you.” He looks back down, but then raises his eyes again. If he’s going in, he’s going all in. “Steve, there’s nothing cliché about what you told me, what’s cliché is that I don’t think I could breathe without you. I don’t think my heart could beat without you. You’re my entire world and I want it that way.”

Steve swallows hard and nods. “Okay.” He turns back, straps his seatbelt on, puts the car in drive and pulls back out onto the road. Bucky’s a little lost and doesn’t know what’s happening. Steve cuts his eyes over and grins. “James Barnes, if I start kissing you now, after wanting it for so long, we’re going to be arrested for indecent exposure.” Bucky blushes at the image, but can’t help the laughter. Steve winks over at him and starts singing along to the song on the radio.

Howard is looking out the window, watching for Steve’s car. Tony and Pepper got to the house earlier in the day, but fathers never stop worrying about their kids. Tony comes over, handing Howard a glass of eggnog. “They’ll be fine.” As if on cue, the headlights of Steve’s car pull around the circle drive.

The two men get out and go to the trunk, but before they get any of the bags out, Steve wraps Bucky in his arms and rests their foreheads together. Tony rocks onto the balls of his feet in glee and Howard watches the world disappear and the two men only know that the other is there. “Well, I’ll be damned.”

Maria comes over, taking the cup of eggnog and sipping. “It’s about fucking time.” Tony spits eggnog onto the curtains. Maria turns, still holding Howard’s eggnog. “This needs more rum.”

Tony’s mouth is opening and closing, but nothing is coming out. Howard slaps him on the back. “Mothers curse too, son.”

“Not my mother!” Maria’s laughter can be heard from the kitchen.

Just to give her son an aneurism, Maria starts cursing just to see how long it takes Tony to have a meltdown. She’s throwing the f-bomb in every other word. Pepper sits by the tree, giggling. Steve and Bucky come into the house to Maria’s voice in the kitchen. “Who wants fucking eggnog?”

Steve’s eyes get huge and he looks over at a speechless Tony. “What’s wrong with Mom?”

Howard comes over, hugging Steve, then Bucky. “She’s trying to make a point.”

“And what point is that?” Steve hugs Tony.

“That mothers curse too.” Steve quirks an eyebrow and looks at his brother.

“What did you do?” Bucky starts chuckling behind Steve’s back when Maria comes back in the room, and hugs the brunet.

“How is this my fault?” Steve takes Tony’s eggnog and downs it in one go.

“If I’m going to have to listen to my mother swear like a sailor, I’m going to need more alcohol.” That’s all any of them can stand and the room breaks out in raucous laughter. Steve looks at his Mom. “Oh, and Bucky and I will be sharing a room.”

Tony hides his face in Pepper’s shoulder. “Can we put them on the third floor? You know it’s going to get loud.”

Steve chases Tony out the terrace doors and into the snowy yard. Howard claps a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “You sure about this?”

Bucky looks down shyly, then up into the man’s face. “In all my life I’ve never been this sure.”

“Good man. Let’s get you a drink.”

Steve comes into the room and Bucky steps out of the bathroom. He’s wearing  pj pants, but no shirt and his hair is wet. “I’m going to shower too.” Bucky nods and Steve sees how unsure he is about what’s going to happen. “Buck, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want.”

Going to the man, Steve holds him close and Bucky can’t seem to get close enough. “You’re everything to me and I don’t want to be a disappointment.”

Steve barks with laughter, going to his bag and getting out flannel pants. He steps into the bathroom, starting to shut the door, then looks back at Bucky. “Since I’ve never done this before, I wouldn’t know if it’s disappointing or not.”

He closes the bathroom door to Bucky looking disbelieving. They will have to talk about that part. Checking under the sink, there’s a new bottle of lube, which Steve is sure he has Tony to thank for and a box of condoms that don’t expire for another two years. Yeah, he definitely is going to have to thank Tony and he isn’t sure how he feels about that. He doesn’t even know how he’s going to bring that up in conversation. Showering and taking a little extra time, Steve dries himself and puts the pants on.

Stepping out of the bathroom, Bucky is just sitting on the side of the bed, looking at the floor. Taking a seat next to him, Steve reaches out, taking the man’s clenched hands. “If that was a joke, I don’t know if laughing is the right response, if that wasn’t a joke, I’m confused.”

Steve leans over, putting his head on Bucky’s shoulder. “It wasn’t a joke.”

“Steve...how...I mean...you’re so...beautiful.” Steve blushes at that and takes a deep breath.

“Look Bucky, here’s the thing,” Bucky nods. “I know you think that when I was ten and I told you that I was gay and in love with you, you think I didn’t really understand what I was saying, but I’ve been in love with you since I was nine. It’s always been part of me and carrying that around, I just couldn’t with anyone else.” Bucky starts to say something and from the guilt on his face, it’s probably going to be an apology. “Don’t! I wasn’t pining over  you, I just couldn’t stop loving you. Now, I’m glad.”

Reaching up, Bucky caresses Steve’s cheek. “I love you so much. I really didn’t think I could feel anything this deep. I had one relationship and a few sex partners, but nothing has ever felt like this. I won’t apologize, but I’m sure as hell going to make this good for you.”

“It’s already good. It’s you.”

It turns out that moving Steve and Bucky to the third floor, where they are alone was the best thing that Howard could have done for the rest of the family. Bucky and Steve don’t get out of bed the next morning because they are both sore and exhausted. It turns out that Steve is a bit like the Energizer Bunny. Now that he’s experienced it, he just keeps wanting more. He does pull himself out of bed about 11 and goes down to get food for them. Bucky’s still sleeping, but Steve plans to wake him soon. Pepper is the only one in the kitchen when Steve rounds the corner.

She looks up over the edge of her tea cup and grins. Steve blushes furiously. “Don’t say anything that would make Tony proud.”

She comes over, kissing his cheek. “Are you happy?”

He looks down, blushing. “Yeah.”

“Then that’s all I need to know.” He fixes a couple of breakfast sandwiches, adds coffee and juice to the tray, grabs a couple of bottles of water and heads back up. And because Pepper is much snarkier than anyone realizes, he hears her call out, “Thank god we put you on the third floor.”

When Steve gets back to the bedroom, Bucky is just waking up. He’s on his stomach, covers halfway down his backside and hair wild across the pillow. “Do I smell coffee?”

He rolls over and Steve freezes when everything is exposed to him. “You are so damn breathtaking. I don’t even know how you’re real.”

Pulling his legs up, Bucky rests his arms across his knees. “You keep saying things like that and we’ll never leave this bed.” 

Steve puts the tray on the end of the bed and crawls in. “Best Christmas ever!”

Bucky chuckles and pulls the tray to them. “How are you feeling?”

“Uh...sore, but it’s really good.” They snuggle under the covers, eating and kissing. “Are you okay?”

“Steve, I’ve never been better in my life.” He caresses his nose up the artist’s neck, nipping just behind Steve’s ear. 

There’s a whine, like a wounded animal. “Buck, I’m going to need you to finish eating.”

In the early part of June, at the Stark Estate, Steven Grant Rogers-Stark marries James Buchannan Barnes in a small ceremony. Steve watches as Becca and Ma Winnie bring Bucky down the aisle and is sure that he stops breathing. Bucky’s been his dream for so many years that having this is like a fairy tale that Steve never allowed himself to think about. They dance until late into the night, holding each other.

They spend their honeymoon at the Hamptons estate. For a week, they are completely alone chasing each other around the house and grounds. Pepper and Maria made sure that the freezer and fridge were stocked before the boys got there, so there’s no need to worry about food. They lay in bed the morning before they have to leave their quiet sanctuary; Steve’s head pillowed on Bucky’s chest and Bucky’s hand caressing up and down Steve’s arm. 

“What are you thinking about?” Steve looks up into Bucky’s face and can’t image how someone that looks like his husband can actually exist.

Steve rolls onto his stomach, looking up adoringly. “I was thinking that now that we have each other, now that we’re married, I don’t want  to ever take this for granted.”

Bucky leans in, kissing Steve lightly. “We won’t because we know what it’s like to not have each other.”

“I love you so much.” Bucky gets up and goes to the dresser. “Buck?”

He comes back to the bed and hands Steve a small, wrapped box. “I’ve had this for a long time, but I thought it could be something we share now.”

Steve sits up and as he opens the gift, Bucky’s arm slips around his waist. Once the wrapping is off and Steve opens the box, he freezes, looking up at Bucky disbelieving. It’s a picture taken when Steve turned 9. It’s the two of them, arms around each other, grinning at the camera. It’s a little faded and creased, but it’s in a protective frame. He runs his finger down the edge of the frame. “It wasn’t long after this picture was taken that I looked at you and knew you weren’t just my best friend.” He looks into his husband’s eyes. “I knew that you were my everything.”

“And now we can be that to each other for the rest of our lives.”

When they return from their honeymoon, Steve goes back to the gallery and every Saturday he paints in the window. The only difference now is that his husband works at the gallery on Saturdays to give Clint time to spend with his fiancé. Planning a wedding is hard work, according to Clint. Clint still swears that Steve’s paintings are magic. Bucky agrees.

In October, Rebecca Barnes is the first recipient of the Barnes prosthetic. It’s a huge success and when she’s fully healed and worked her ass off with physical therapy, she’s able to do everything like before the accident. Winnie cries and Maria holds her through the tears of joy. The two women became close through a love for Sarah Rogers. They share stories and let the petite blond live again through their lives and the life of her son. 

Winnie watches her daughter and son cooking in the kitchen, while her son-in-law takes picture after picture. She suspects that he’ll paint them someday soon. “It took a lot of strength to drive away from your life here.”

Winnie gives a sad smile. “I had to protect them.”

Steve comes over, kissing the cheeks of both women. “You two may want to order some pizza. I’m not sure what my husband is trying to do, but it’s looking a little like green mush.”

Bucky turns, hands on his hips and a smirk on his face. “I will have you know that this is turning out exactly like we planned.”

Becca turns around with a spoon of something green, clumped on the spoon. “Uh...I don’t know about you, but risotto isn’t  supposed to be this thick and it’s definitely not the same color as the picture in the cookbook.”

Steve sniggers and Bucky looks at the green mush and frowns. He leans in, fake whispering to his sister. “Do you think there’s any way to save it?”

She leans in, sniffing and then making a face of disgust. “No, there isn’t. Somebody get a phone and order something that won’t make everyone sick.”

On their first wedding anniversary, Steve gives Bucky the painting he started over a year ago. But now on the left hand of the subject is a ring. “You trying to make sure I remember I’m married?”

“I’m trying to make sure you remember who loves you.” They sway to the music coming from the old record player that Bucky gave Steve for his gift.

“I would never doubt you.” They sway a little more, then Bucky looks up at Steve. He reaches for his husband’s face, caressing across his forehead. Steve’s eyes slip closed and Bucky smiles to himself. He whispers into the darkened room, for only his Stevie to hear. “Sometimes we go through life, thinking we know what we need.” Steve’s eyes open, watching Bucky. “The truth is, I didn’t know what I really needed until you came back into my life. I wanted you from the second I saw you that day in the gallery, but how often do we actually get what we want or really need.” He knows that he’s just babbling now, but he can’t help it. Bucky wants so much for Steve to understand what he’s trying to say.

Steve gathers both of Bucky’s hands, kissing each and smiling at his husband. “We spend our lives looking for the thing that will make all the other chaos makes sense.” Bucky nods. “Until you came back into my life, I didn’t know I was missing anything, not really because before you came back, I was missing a phantom. Now that I know who you really are, everything is calm and settled inside me. You’re everything I ever wanted or needed.”

Bucky rests his forehead against Steve’s chin and feels the blond kiss the top of his head. “Thank you for loving me and letting me see the real you.”

“Thank you for letting me love you.”


End file.
